halojedha | Entries tagged with parenting

My seeds arrived! I've been so excited and impatient. We got a red post office card and I wondered if it was them; when I tried to book redelivery on Wednesday the next available slot was Tuesday next week, so I walked to the sorting office with E in a sling to collect them. Hoped E would have a nice nap. But they didn't, and when I got there the sorting office was closed with a sign up saying they only open 7-11am now. So the whole hour's walk was kind of pointless. Good exercise I guess, and it's been beautifully sunny all week.

So I booked redelivery for my parcel for Tuesday. And then my seeds arrived today! So I don't know what the parcel is, but yay seeds!

I've been looking up all the plants I want to grow and making a note file of what each of them prefers and how much space they need in their final spacing. It's a lot of info, and I'm a bit intimidated. I might make a spreadsheet. Spreadsheets are reassuring.

( My garden plan so far )

( Adventures in Obtaining Topsoil )

Anyway, that's all for the future. I need some plants first. Today my seeds arrived and I was finally able to start sowing, and it feels GREAT. I'm using our conservatory as a greenhouse because it's got a plastic roof and is super warm in there. Today I sowed kohlrabi, tatsoi, spinach, lettuce, basil, Thai basil, sorrel, dill and coriander. I'm just planting coriander seeds from the cupboard and hoping for the best, as there weren't any to buy.

I'm trying to be judicious about how many seeds I plant - I don't want to end up with dozens of plants I don't have space for, but I do want to have a good chance of getting a strong plant, so I've planted 6-10 seeds of most things even if I'll only end up with space for 1 or 2. I'll be re-sowing the herbs and salad all summer so I want to keep some seeds back for that.

Tomorrow I'm planning the squash and beans and chard and cabbage. I can't wait to have little seedlings!

I put a picnic blanket and some toys out for E on the patio, and they totally happily played while I worked. They did eat some soil, which was expected. And they were insistent on crawling over to what I was doing and getting their little hands in it, so I had to bodily remove them and give them something else to play with several times. It was more demanding than gardening without a baby, but also surprisingly successful! I do dread them getting to the stage where they want to grab and eat the seedlings. I think I might have to keep things off the ground and out of reach as much as possible if they're roaming around like that again.

I bought seeds! Organic non-F1 seeds from vitalseeds.co.uk. I made some quick decisions about what to get, as the online shop is only open each morning from 9am until they reach the limit of how many orders they can process. I may have ordered too many seeds. But they were dispatched and are on their way and I am VERY EXCITED.

Thanks so much to

kabarett,

ewt and

juliet for the super useful gardening advice in my last post. It was empowering, and helped me go from a state of feeling intimidated and overwhelmed to feeling ready to give it a go.

Today I slung E in a back carry when they showed signs of readiness for their afternoon nap, and went out into the back yard. The ericaceous compost I ordered had arrived, and I wanted to repot the Sad Camellia. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day, a perfect day to work in the garden.

I did many things! I weeded and tidied all my container plants, topped them up with compost as required, watered them and moved them to the south facing wall. They look much happier now. I've got bay, camellia, three strawberry plants, rosemary, thyme, lavender, a little aromatic bush that was sold as curry leaves but which is not curry leaves, it looks like grey lavender but smells savoury, chives, and a tiny rose bush. A new green and vibrant thyme plant is growing next to the chives, which is good as the old thyme plant is looking pretty dried out.

The camellia got taken out of its pot, shaken until I got all the loose earth I could off the root ball, and put back into the new low pH compost. The root ball was huge, so there wasn't as much space in the pot for ericaceous compost as I'd hoped. I hope what I've done is helpful.

I didn't have any rainwater to water it with, so it got tapwater although I know that's not ideal. I want to set a water butt up. (We actually have a couple which we tried to make a biofilter for our hot tub out of a couple of years ago. The filtration system worked, but it didn't work fast enough to keep up with the hot tub, and the project got abandoned.) So at some point I need to decant a load of gravel and sand out of the biofilter and set the water butt up. Maybe under the gutter runoff? Although that would cover the drain, which might be bad if it overflowed since it's right next to the house.

I've set up three modular seed trays in the conservatory ready for my new seeds when they arrive. I'm excited! ( Garden plans )

Anyway, today I worked in the garden for an hour and a half with E on my back, and they slept for an hour of that! when they were awake they seemed totally chill and happy to look over my shoulder watching what I was doing. Which is frankly fucking amazing. It means I can do gardening WHILE doing childcare. I've been spending 60-90 minutes a day walking so that E can nap, and it's been pleasant walking in the woods listening to audiobooks, but being able to spend some of that time gardening instead is a gamechanger. It means this growing thing fits into my life. It may even be good for E - they seemed to sleep for longer than they normally do. I felt strong and mobile and surprisingly unconstrained by the heavy 9 month old on my back. I'm excited to grow things!

I struggled with parenting yesterday. After a week of being woken at 6am or even 5.30am yesterday I just didn't have the energy to give.

Leo and I are doing 1-2 hr shifts of childcare and other stuff. I do feeds, walks and naps, and other care at home to free Leo up for specific things, and they take E inbetween to let me do some work, and somehow housework and cooking three meals a day gets squished in too. When I was caring for E yesterday it felt like any moment of self care I took - even just letting myself be a little less responsive, a little less active, a little slower for a moment - deprived E of something they needed.

They're cutting a second tooth and spent the day flinging themself around, trying to climb things, needing constant catching and vigilance to stay safe, bananaing and shrieking if I tried to persuade them to do something less dangerous. I put a podcast on to give myself something nice while looking after them and they made it their life's mission to steal the phone and eat the audio cable. When we went for a walk or I breastfed I tried putting headphones on and they literally ripped them off my head. It felt like they were signalling they wanted more interaction and engagement from me but I was so exhausted I was in survival mode. Feed them, cuddle them if they'd sit still long enough, stop them hitting their head, that was it. I read three books and sang a few songs but then my well ran dry.

All the parenting books I've read say that self care is so important, but what if you're in self isolation and there's no outside support available? It's horrible to feel like self care and childcare are zero sum, like I'm in competition with E for getting our needs met. I prefer it when we feel like a team. But it's so much easier to get the breaks I need when we have help from outside.

Sorry, just a rant. I know all the other parents of young children are in the same boat. On a good day I have the energy and creativity to think of solutions that work for both of us but sometimes I just got nothing, you know? Coping strategies welcome!

I haven't done Tai Chi since we went into isolation. There's one video class a week, but it's after bedtime and I'm always breastfeeding. So I wouldn't be able to go to the evening classes if there was a pandemic. I want to practice at home, but when?

My RSI is playing up. I've managed to do the home treatment - cold/hot/cold wrist bathing followed by massage, lion balm and stretching - twice in the last week or so. I should do it every day.

If I set aside even 30 minutes for self care activities a day, I could alternate Tai Chi and wrist care. That would be really good for me I think. And when I'm seriously sleep deprived, I need to give up on work and nap.

I've just been so stressed about money that I've been desperate for opportunities to work, and have been getting far fewer of those than I want, so it's hard to make the call to sacrifice work time for self care stuff. I'm trying to grow an online business in an hour here, an hour there. I'm bringing in new team members so work can be done while I'm not available but somehow, I have to pay for them. Once I get focussed on something it's hard to put it down. Anyway, it's pretty obvious that would help.

The last couple of days, since lockdown kicked in for everyone in the UK in earnest, when I've walked to the local park for my Daily Exercise, it has smelled so good. Grass and blossoms and woodsmoke. Our bit of London, one block away from the A10 and three from the M25, suddenly smells like the countryside. Overnight, there are so few cars on the road that the air is sweeter. It makes me feel good to breathe it. Like being on holiday. Humanity's lungs are congested, but as our patterns change the world's lungs are clearing.

I took a new route through the woods today. It was absolutely beautiful: bright and sunny and crisp. At the end of our road is a country estate which is being run as a conference centre and public park. It has a gift shop and cafe, both closed now of course. The estate is gorgeous: oak woods with children's climbing frames and swings, duck ponds, geese, wildflower meadows. I veered off the usual path through the woods along the stream to go around the lake under the trees. The ground had dried out since last week and the woods felt clear and spacious without the mud. One of those little emergent paths was visible running around the edge of the woodland lake, what they call a desire path. I had E sleeping in the sling on my chest, and I wandered along the water's edge, blue sky and budding trees mirrored in the clear water, the reflections disrupted occasionally by the passing of water birds. I'm listening to the six part pandemic series on This Podcast Will Kill You, learning about how viruses replicate and their structure and so on. I was walking for an hour while E had their midday nap, taking all the side paths in the woods, and I barely saw anyone.

This rhythm of life is really working for me. I miss socialising in person, and taking E out on trips. But with all the regular commitments of classes and meetings and get-togethers cancelled, there's more time. Leo has total permission to work fewer hours, as everyone understands that it's necessary when you don't have childcare support. We take turns to work during the day - I do feeds and walks and other half hours here and there, Leo does the bits in-between, and we all eat at the table together. So far we're managing around 5-6 hrs work per day total, and the rest is housework and cooking and eating and childcare handover and self-care. In theory we should be able to do 7-8hrs total between us, but we're still settling into it. If we did 4 hrs work a day each for 6 days a week that would be 24 hrs each, which would be a good amount for both of us.

Working part time, spending so much time with E and with each other, daily walks in the woods, cooking good food, making slow but steady progress with our projects - it's all rather lovely. We haven't managed any alone time as a couple since we started staying at home, it's hard without a babysitter. Either we're both tired by the time E finally settles or they wake up every time we try to cuddle without them and need soothing again. But the togetherness as a family is lovely.

My mum has come down with symptoms. We spoke on the phone today but it's hard being so far away. She's started journalling at

originotley if you want to say hello.

- I've been taking E for walks in the sling. The weather has been beautiful the last few days. It's really spring. Lots of people out and about since the schools closed, not all of them doing social distancing. It's nice to nod and smile at people as I veer out of their way. We ran into our neighbours from a few doors down, who are retirees and XR activists, in the woods, and stood and chatted to them for fifteen minutes, the longest conversation I've had with them. There's a real sense of community solidarity. You pass people in the street and you know everyone is experiencing the same thing.
- We hoped to edit our Ocado order that arrived last week to add some stuff to it, but they closed their website due to high demand. So we'll have to make do without the extra stuff we thought of. At least the delivery arrived okay.
- A few more online orders have arrived. We're trying to minimise deliveries now. Wearing gloves and disinfecting stuff we unpack, then disinfecting the gloves.
- Leo printed a pattern and made a mask out of a vacuum cleaner bag. Apolocalypse DIY! They drove to their workshop, and brought home a ventilator mask and a few other useful bits - glue for mending things that break around the house, etc.
- They also drove to the vet and did a minimal no contact pick up of flea treatment. That should be our last errand for a few weeks.
- I barely did any work last week, mostly childcare and sorting the house out. We've made great progress with the tidying though. Processed our wholefoods order, packaged up two boxes of wholefoods to send to people, reorganised the conservatory/storage area at the back so it contains more stuff while looking clearer. We're making daily efforts to stay on top of the housework and keep the kitchen and living room liveable.
- Some massive milestones for E. In the last couple of weeks they've gone from "older baby" to "proto toddler". It's happened so fast! Last week they did their first forwards crawl - they've been doing backwards scooting for a while. I'd sat them on the kitchen floor while I did a couple of chores, and given them some stuff to play with. Something was out of their reach, and they they crawled towards it! A bit! Couple of movements with hands, one movement with knees. That knee movement has been thwarting them for weeks, so it's a big milestone. We need to baby proof and order and install stairgates asap. If they'll even get delivered...
- They're working SO HARD on standing. Constantly trying to stand up or pull themself up. In the last few days they've made immense progress. They can now stand up from a squat unaided, pull themself up on furniture, and today they stood for a moment without holding on to anything, then held onto something and took a step towards me!
- the elimination communication is going so well. Really successful at the moment. We're catching 100% of poos at the moment and about 50% of wees during the day. At night they're in a nighttime nappy and we only change them if they seem agitated after a feed, but they've been going all night without a change quite often. During the day they're using an independent child potty rather than the baby lap potty they started with. I put their bead maze in front of the potty so they've got something to do while they're sitting on it. They've started hanging onto the maze to pull themself to their feed to indicate their doneness after doing their business. It's a really grownup, independent moment!
- Looking across the room and seeing them standing up supporting themself is still totally surreal. Where did this giant grown-up child come from??
- they're so cheery and curious and engaged and grabby. Object permanence has happened, so if they want a thing, they still know they want it if it's hidden. They've done the cry reaction to having a dangerous thing taken away a few times, another very toddlerish moment. They have WANTS. So many wants.
- We've settled into a rhythm with bedsharing where everyone gets enough sleep. With enough contact, they've done a couple of 5+ hour chunks of sleep without a feed lately, it's lovely. We've given up on the cot and folded it up out of the way.
- E's favourite foods lately: homemade houmous still and always, the One True Food. (We stocked up on chickpeas and tahini before lockdown but are about to run out of fresh lemons.) Steamed courgette is flavour of the moment. Banana. Bean and vegetable soup. Dahl. Soy yoghurt. Almond butter. Response to other steamed veg - broccoli, squash, carrot, cauliflower - varies. Cherry tomatoes were favourite for a while but those seem to have become less interesting now. I've bought a melon which they liked the one time they had it before - will report back!

E's going through a separation anxiety phase atm. They've spent a couple of weeks being Very Sad if they're looked after by someone other than me. Including an hour of inconsolable hiccupy crying on Leo while I was out at Tai Chi.

So I've embraced my role as Primary Caregiver even more than I was already. The bedsharing is working well. We put E in a nighttime nappy, they cuddle me most of the night and feed a few times, there's no crying. I've got good at sleeping through lying down feeds. The other night I went to sleep with E in the middle and woke up with them on the edge by the bedrail, me in the middle, my boob out. I obviously picked them up and moved them across to my right hand side (my right boob makes twice as much milk as the left) and latched them on in my sleep without waking up. Skills.

I've not been able to go to Tai Chi much - the Saturday morning classes are okay, but the Tuesday evening ones don't work well right now. By that time of night E is tired and just wants to be snuggled on me. I'm feeling equanomous about it. The important thing is giving E the reassurance and consistency they need, otherwise they're just going to get more anxious.

To be clear, Leo contributes an enormous amount. They are an equal partner in this endeavour and I absolutely feel they are load bearing. We do housework together every morning, they take E before work and after work to let me nap or do chores, they do cuddle duty at night whenever it's harmonious. They frequently take time out of their work day to do domestic jobs that need doing or to help me get out of the house on time. They are doing absolutely as much parenting and domestic work as they can.

So E's new insistence that, sometimes, only I will do is challenging for both of us, because we're used to being able to share the load more equally.

It also makes the car tricky. When I'm in the front driving and they're in the back on their own, they feel alone. It's a rear facing carseat for safety. They have a mirror so I can see them, but I'm not sure if they can see me. We've had a few Very Sad drives lately and I really don't like putting them through it. If they want a cuddle I want to be able to pick them up and cuddle them.

The car seat is the only time I don't respond straight away to whatever need they're expressing, and I'm worried they're starting to associate it with Badness. We aren't doing cry it out sleep training or anything, except in the car when I'm on the motorway or stuck in traffic and literally cannot stop. I do my best with talking and singing to them, trying to project calmness and love in my voice, and doing things like opening the skylight or their window to distract them, but when they're really upset, they just want to be held. I've done a few car feeds lately but once I've calmed them down, we still have to get home, and of they cry as soon as I put them in the carseat there's really not much I can do about it. I've been getting public transport more so they can travel in the sling and feed when they want, but that's not always an option.

The separation anxiety thing is probably a developmental phase. They're eight months old - is it possible they're starting to understand that I'm a Whole Other Person who might theoretically be Not There, prompting them to seek reassurance that I am, in fact, there? Is it an object permanence thing?

It's all triggering another layer of gender argh for me, on top of all the other layers. ( Gender feels )

E continues to be delightful. Seven and a half months is my favourite age so far. Every age has been my favourite age so far.

Recent milestones:
- learning to drink out of cups
- successfully drinking out of their 360 cup (no spill cup with lid and silicon seal all around so you can suck drink out of it anywhere on the rim)
- great strides in fine motor control
- pushing themself up from their tummy onto their hands and knees
- pushing with their hands and shoving themself backwards in an almost-crawl position
- new foods: cucumber, crackers with houmous, watermelon, steamed broccoli
- stealing sips of our tea
- recognising songs I sing to them at home at baby sign class and windmilling their arms in excitement
- getting through the night without a nappy change (we put an extra insert in, and don't put a liner in cos they stay wet and feel icky, and E doesn't poop in their sleep)

Bedtime has been a bit easier since I last posted. I've stopped trying to stick to a routine and do bedtime at a specific time. We just have supper, look out for tiredness cues, and either do bedtime straight after supper and a change into nighttime nappy, or play after supper until they seem tired.

I'm listening to the Gentle Sleep Book and feeling reassured that the "recommended" amount babies should sleep isn't evidence based and most babies sleep less than that. Which is a relief, cos E always has.

Taking advantage of naps when they happen. Today E was asleep in the car when we got home from baby sign, so I just chilled out in the parked car for twenty minutes listening to the tiny snores and waiting for them to finish their nap.

I've booked us a holiday! We're going to Amsterdam for four nights in the first week of April, just the two of us. Sharing a seat on the Eurostar - I paid extra for a journey at civilised times. Staying in an adorable studio apartment by a lake which is affordable, 45 mins from the centre of town without too much walking, and has a cot and high chair, although I imagine we'll be sharing the bed. I'm excited! Recommendations for baby friendly activities in Amsterdam welcome!

There are two things making me nervous: firstly I hope we're not sick when the time comes, and secondly I'm gonna have to be on it with planning our travel. Without a car seat there isn't the option of just grabbing a cab if I'm running late or miss the last bus.

My friend En and I were out for the day in a little British market town when we went away together before Christmas, both with babies in slings. We had a lovely day, but missed the last bus back to the park and ride. We were totally stranded. Had a choice between either walking for 45 mins along roads with no pavements or streetlights in the dark (nope) or calling our partners and begging one of them to come and collect us, take one of us back to the car while the other watched the babes, and then convoy back to put them both in their carseats. It took hours, was embarrassing, and made me realise how important it is to plan properly when you're travelling with a baby.

Bedtime has been a bugbear lately.

From routinely sleeping 5-8 hours in their cot, E has been much clingier lately. When they caught a cold in Jan we brought them back into the bed for a few nights, and they've not had a long sleep in the cot since. For a while they were managing a couple of hours in the cot at the start of the night, but would wake around midnight, so I'd bring them into the bed to feed them and they'd stay with us for the rest of the night.

Recently the cot has been entirely banned. They'll fall asleep on the bed or in my arms, and when I transfer them with infinite care and gentleness to the cot, they immediately wake and start crying. If we persist this happens every time we try. The cot is banned.

When they're really exhausted they'll wake up with pink eyes and a disappointed wail, and fall asleep in our arms almost immediately... And then wake up again the moment we try to lie them back down in the cot.

So we've been bedsharing. It works okay. I do lying down feeds and it doesn't overly disrupt my sleep. Either they're quite short or I fall asleep while feeding and wake up an hour later to find E asleep beside me. Adjust us both a bit and go back to sleep.

Earlier this week E even slept through the night in the bed: fell asleep around 11pm, rolled over for a little feed around 12.30am, and then slept through til 8am. Starfished in the middle of the bed. I woke up at 7.30am with boobs so engorged it was like when my milk first came in. I lay awake wondering if I should go downstairs and pump, but felt lazy. When E did wake up the pressure was so high they couldn't feed. I needed to pump just to get a bit of let down before I could feed properly.

But mostly, bedtime has been a faff lately. Lots of goblinhood. Starting the bedtime feed between 8-9pm and having multiple wakings and feedings until they finally fall asleep around 11pm. Waking every hour or two throughout the night to feed. Wriggling and waking us up, or only sleeping soundly when held.

I've been desperate for a cuddle with Leo. Keep getting my hopes up - THIS time maybe they'll stay asleep, THIS time maybe we can put them in the cot - and then it's devastating when they wake up and I need to bounce them or feed them again. Leo does so much as a co-parent but with their hip, they can't soothe E to sleep at night - it requires either carrying or breastfeeding. So I'm stiff from lying in one position for hours, dehydrated, headachy, needing to pee, wanting to brush my teeth, wanting to hug my partner - and instead I have to feed the child for another half hour, or an hour. When I've insisted on going to the bathroom, there's been crying the whole time until I get back. It's demanding and stressful and it's taken a lot out of me.

But today, I feel much better about it. Leo and I had some us time while friend D was here doing some childminding for us, and that helps a lot. Snuggles were had. Tonight I'm managing my expectations better and planning to make it as streamlined as possible. E and I had supper while Leo sorted out the bedroom. We came upstairs and had some milk, then played on the bed and did sing and sign until E was getting tired. There was lots of adorable giggling. We had a delightful time together. Did a nappy change, back on the boob and boom! Settled straight away for a nice long sleepy feed, no goblins in sight. Whew, I'm learning!

They slept quite quickly - fell asleep around 9pm, which is early for our little night owl. Had a lovely cuddly sleep on me for half an hour, and just as Leo joined us upstairs, they woke up and started feeding again. But that's okay. It'll take as long as it takes.

Today we installed our new bed rail. So even if E needs to bedshare and be cuddled, they can safely go on the edge of the bed, and I can go in the middle, and then EVERYONE can get cuddles.

Sometimes parenting isn't about trying to get your child to do something different - it's about planning for what they're going to do anyway and adapting to it so it works for everyone.

I just did my second 30 minute meditation session this week. It's been my first morning meditation since E was born, pretty much. All I'd managed until now was a a couple of half hours late at night after they were asleep in the cot, sitting up on the bed leaning against the head rest, and my nightly getting-to-sleep anapana practice, which invariably doesn't last very long because I fall asleep.

As expected, Monday's sit was a revealing display of a disorganised mind. I didn't even try to do any Vipassana, just attempted anapana for 30 minutes. My mind was very busy. I think I managed to pay attention to like, three or four breaths in a row a few times, but that was all. The time went quickly. I thought I had more time to get a grip on my concentration, and then the timer went off. 30 minutes really isn't very long.

At least my body wasn't complaining too much. When I first started meditating a few years ago, postural discomforts dominated my awareness. I guess the martial arts and parenting have improved my core and back strength. Good - and also unsurprising; that was why the monks developed kung fu in the first place, wasn't it?

This morning I had more success with anapana. Still a fair few thoughts, but I managed to return my attention to my breath each time. After a little while I decided to have a crack at Vipassana. It's funny - if my concentration is too disorganised I can't do Vipassana at all, because I just forget what I'm meant to be doing and lose my place. But once I have that baseline level of concentration, I actually find Vipassana easier to concentrate on than anapana, because I find it more interesting.

This time I went back to my beginner's Vipassana practice and took it painstakingly slowly. Giving myself up to a minute to tune into each area, and only moving on to the next once I could feel the subtle sensations there. The good thing is that I didn't encounter any "dead" areas: once I tuned in, I could feel sensation in all the parts of my body I swept. And I didn't get distracted. But the timer went off before I'd even finished sweeping my torso.

We have friend D doing some bonus childminding tomorrow as well, since it's half term and they have a rare free day. (D did quite a lot of babysitting for us last year, but is now booked up most weeks.) So we'll have a chance to sit together again. I'm trying to make it a regular practice at the start of my work days, and Leo is joining me, which is really good for me. We have the mats and cushions set up in my bedroom, which is an unused room most of the time. It's nice and peaceful in there.

If I didn't have a baby, I'd be feeling ready to go back and do another ten day course at Dhamma Dipa. As it is, I'm going to have to try and build a personal practice at home, with the possible goal of a 3 day course once I can leave E with Leo for a long weekend.

This partly depends on them being old enough to handle three nights of no breastfeeding, and partly depends on Leo's hip being recovered enough to do the childcare - however long that will take. They still can't carry or sling E. They've got surprisingly good at doing day time childcare by bringing everything they'll need around the sofas downstairs, but we're a long way from being able to leave E and Leo alone overnight.

In the meantime, morning meditation is wonderful. Writing about it here as a promise to myself to keep it up.

Take baby upstairs to feed them. Discover they have turned into a goblin. Signs of goblinhood: scratching boobs, digging claws in, biting nipples and giggling.
Gently remove scratchy hands. Explain that nipples are sensitive areas and not for biting.
Get bitten again by goblin, who seems to think it's funny. Catch yourself before you slap them away from your sore nipple.
Call backup. Request glow toy skills from partner.
Have a brief rest while partner waves glow wand hypnotically in front of goblin until they calm down
Try feeding again. Get clawed and bitten again. Remove tiny biting mouth from breast and get rewarded with screams of outrage.
Give strugglegoblin a finger to chew on. Fetch clean socks to put on tiny clawing hands. Fetch Calpol. Give dose of Calpol to goblin.
Put socks over clawy goblin hands. Ignore screams of outrage.
Sing quietly to excited goblin.
Try boob again. Get bitten again. Nipples are really quite sore now.
Pick up goblin and cuddle them while bouncing on the yoga ball. Work through repertoire of slow folk songs with croaky coldridden voice. Get an achy back trying to hold onto strugglegoblin.
Detect sounds and smells that might indicate full nappy. Check it. Nappy is clean. Hold goblin over potty. Catch nothing. Put clean nappy back on.
Bounce on ball until goblin seems calmer. Carry them to the bed. Try boob. Get bitten.
Back on the ball.
Goblin tries to latch onto neck. Offer them the boob on the ball. Get chomped. Goblin seems not to know how to nurse. Only bite.
More cuddling, bouncing and singing. Hope the Calpol will kick in soon.
When arms seem limp, carry sleepygoblin back to bed. Offer boob. Get chomped.
Little goblin mouth is opening and shutting. Tilt head back so mouth is wider. Move them a little lower so nipple points towards nose. Gather boob and stuff as much as possible into mouth.
Success! Mouth is now latched on and sucking. No more chomping.
Relax.
Feed until goblin turns into asleep baby and rolls into back.
Carefully remove soggy chewed socks from baby's hands.
Wait ten minutes, then carry sleeping baby very gently to the cot and tuck them in.
Get back into bed and listen to baby snores.
Spend next hour trying to calm down from adrenaline jangle of struggling and biting before you can go to sleep yourself.

1. E and I got to hang out with

taimatsu and her ten week old! He is a lovely one. Very soft ♥️ We did baby massage and it was very nice
2. Slices of bread make excellent baby toys if you don't mind crumbs. They are squidgy and destructible and edible. All the best qualities in one object!
3. E did not cry for the entire 1.5hr journey home. Only for half of it.
4. I was fed vegan rocky road and flapjacks!
5. I have such a smiley lovely lively wriggly baby who has Desires and Opinions and who does flappy hands when they are excited and I love them so muuuuch 🥰🥰🥰

I took E to the Tate Modern!

Leo was out for 24 hours on a date. I'd hung out with local friends the night before (waves at

kaberett and

me_and). I considered rustling up some company on Saturday, but decided to enjoy some time with just the two of us. I'm so glad I did. I really enjoyed it.

We were up early - E has recently started waking at 7.30am rather than 8.30am. (We're trying to move bedtime an hour earlier too, from 9pm to 8pm, with variable success.) It took a few hours to get out of the house, but we were still on the road before noon. I decided to take the long woven wrap, even though it's a faff to take off and on. It's so much comfier than the ring sling for wearing for longer periods, because the ring sling goes over one shoulder and the long wrap distributes the weight symmetrically. I packed a bottle of expressed breast milk so I could feed E a bit without unslinging them.

It was such a nice day! We looked at all the free exhibits. I loved the political photography, although E found it a bit dull as it was all black and white. After we'd gone round the first gallery they were asking for food. I gave them half the contents of the bottle, but wanted to save the rest for later. So when they were still hungry I decided it was time to stop.

Gave them a nappy change before going to the cafe. That was unpopular. E hates the fold down baby changing stations in public loos. They don't like being up high, the hard surface, the bright lights. Normally if it's a private accessible cubicle I just roll out their changing mat on the floor. But in the Tate Modern there was just a fold down baby changing table on the wall of the public bit of the loos, by the door, with people walking past. Brushed chrome walls, bright lights, no privacy. They HATED it, and I don't blame them.

Rushed through the cafe with a still upset baby in a sling, grabbing a water refill and a box of food for me. Then found an armchair and breastfed for a bit. Once they'd calmed down and had enough milk I popped them in a high chair and shared my food box with them. They really enjoyed the cauliflower and had a good chomp on a piece of spinach. I kept the kimchee and chilli aubergine to myself though. Not sure their digestive system is ready for chilli yet!

It was lovely hanging out with them in the cafe, eating with them and chatting to them. And I felt very organised. I'd brought their baby led weaning bib and wipe clean tray with me, which is a really good system where baby and floor are all protected from spills. I had damp clean face cloths in a ziplock and their silicone spoons in another, although I didn't use those in the end. Once they were done eating I gave them another breastfeed to quench their thirst, and cleaned them up.

So far I'd had them slung on my front in a rear facing carry. I'd wondered if they'd nap on the way in, but they hadn't. I'd been planning to do a ruck carry for going around the gallery - which I have now learned, but badly need practice at - but then I realised that wouldn't work with my winter coat, which was too bulky to go under a sling or to fit in my bag.

So I slung them on my front again, facing forward. They giggled throughout, and it came together pleasingly quickly. Then we bopped around looking at more exhibitions. The materials and objects exhibit was super fun, and I was really glad I'd put them facing forward. They had bits of materials hanging on string for touching. Iron and steel and pine and cedarwood and rubber and hemp rope. E gave everything a good feel, and some of it a bit of a chew, and I told them what everything was and let them get a sense of it. I loved sharing it with them!

Towards the end of that gallery I realised I was nattering away to a sleeping baby. The advice is to not let a baby sleep in a forward facing front carry, as it's a suffocation risk with the head hanging forward. I managed to loosen the sling and get them turned around and tucked into a nice snug rear facing front carry without waking them. Felt very proud of myself.

After that I was free to bimble around with a sleeping baby until I got bored. I looked at the rest of the free galleries, and then my feet were starting to hurt and my phone was nearly dead, so I headed home.

As soon as we got outside there was a blast of cold wind and E woke up. So they didn't get as much of a nap as they needed. I tried to get them back to sleep, but it didn't work. They were quiet until we were on the bus, at which point there were Wriggles. So I wiggled their arms out of the sling to let them have a stretch, and then when they kept trying to turn around I turned them back into a forward facing front carry. Standing on the bus swaying with the motion of the vehicle. The tying felt very quick and smooth. I felt like a babywearing pro!

We got home without mishap. I was really pleased with myself. Going out with E in the sling is a lovely way to enjoy their company and my own company. It's parenting, but it's also strangely like solitude. It fills my cup. I enjoyed feeling independent and self-reliant, being able to keep them happy and anticipate their needs, getting some stimulation and enrichment for both of us without it feeling arduous. Taking the sling made the whole thing so smooth and easy. I'm loving my physical strength at the moment. The stronger I get the lighter E feels, and the easier everything is!

I'm now considering taking them on holiday for a long weekend or a week, just the two of us. A European city break. Leo's hip still isn't up to a holiday, but I could have one anyway? Is that a good idea or am I massively underestimating how hard it would be?

Our colds are on the way out. E's symptoms are the last to go, as they were poorliest of the three of us. Poor inexperienced immune system. Oof, that was miserable! It's been an exercise in hanging in there. Technically there were two days of Leo's work time and my childcare time, but they didn't get much work done. We pulled together and got through it.
Just before we got ill I had the best Tai Chi session. We were working on the Shaolin Rou Quan "soft fist" form which involves a lot of ma bu (horse stance). I sweated and worked hard. It felt great and it loosened the hell out of my hamstrings. At the end of the session in our cool down stretches I was more flexible than I've ever been before. For the first time I could touch my toes in seated forward fold. And seated with legs apart, I could touch each toe with the fingers on the opposite hand, also for the first time. Woo! Of course, then we got sick and I missed a class, so I wasn't that flexible when I went tonight. But it's good to know it's possible!
Speaking of Tai Chi, I've discovered the most delightful thing. When I'm practising fan form E loves watching. The sudden loud snap and flash of colour as the fan opens makes them jump, and then they giggle. This gorgeous musical chuckle. Every time I do it! So the form is just wall to wall baby giggling. It's the most adorable, hilarious, joyful thing ever, and if I didn't already love the fan form, I would practice it just for that. :hearteyes:
E's independent sitting is coming along really well! I've been spending a lot of time sitting with them on the play mats with my legs casually on either side, to break their fall if they topple over, and a cushion at the feet end. But a few times I've got up to fetch something or whatever and they've stayed sitting up quite happily, busy with whatever toy they're holding.
They're spending a lot of voluntary time on their front too. They love throwing themself forward (works better on bed than on floor) and patting toys that are in front of them. The jingly ball is good for this as when it rolls away they do lots of thrashing of limbs trying to Do A Locomote. Crawling is not happening yet but they're giving it a damn good try.
We've had a couple of rolls too, mostly assisted by gravity, eg from lying on a pillow on back to on the bed on front. But they've done the back to front roll on the changing mat a couple of times too. They are, in general, Very Wriggly.
Oh yes, that was the other thing I was going to mention: I did a successful forward facing front carry today! This is very satisfying. I've been using the rear facing front carry and a hip carry with the ring sling, but I haven't had a good "looking all around" carry with the woven wrap before. The woven wrap is way more comfy than the ring sling, and much more suitable for extended carries, so this is a level up. I used our long woven wrap and tried a couple of times before I found one that worked for us. E was remarkably patient with the process while I faffed about with the sling. In fact I did the second one (the one that worked) in front of a mirror, and they kept grinning at their reflection and giggling when I jiggled or hupped them, and it just took all the stress out of the process. Once they were slung they were like a happy little starfish hanging out in front of me, smiling whenever I saw their reflection, waving their limbs, reaching grabby hands for whatever I was doing, nomming things if they got too close, and occasionally grabbing my thumbs and trying to steer. It was great. We folded and hung up laundry, and they were super happy until I had to unsling them to go to Tai Chi. I'll try it again on my next childcare day. Next challenge: can I cook with E in a forward facing front tie without hurting them? And after that: Back carries!

E has a cold. I have a cold. Leo has a cold. All is woe.

Like when they have the hiccups, it seems like they have adult sized coughs and sneezes and quantities of snot in a tiny tiny body. Their croaky cries and whimpers with what remains of their voice are heart-rending. The first night they were sick, I was trying to feed them to sleep when they started doing this quailing wail like an emergency siren, clinging to me and shaking. Their temperature was 39. We gave them calpol, and it went down to 37.6 in under an hour, thank goodness. They sweated a lot when their fever broke, but since then the virus has been progressing through rivers of snot and chesty coughs. It's all thoroughly miserable. We're on a cycle of saline drops, snot-sucking, snot-wiping, calpol, feeds and trying desperately to catch a few moments of sleep.

I'm not dreadfully ill myself, just sore of throat with a cough like a 30 a day smoker, and sinuses that feel like they've been scoured. If I could stay in bed and get a couple of 12 hour sleeps I'd be fine. But instead E hasn't been settling to sleep until midnight, and then waking up every couple of hours in tears, and when we try to nap during the day they cough themselves awake, so there is no sleep to be had.

I'm cross-eyed with exhaustion. My reserves were already depleted down to zero keeping the show on the road since Leo's hip operation, so I feel peculiarly unresilient to weather these bad nights while fighting off a virus. I have no social or physical energy. So childcare - which generally requires oodles of both - is proving challenging.

Luckily Leo has been modelling horizontal parenting for the last couple of months, so I've been borrowing tricks out of their "looking after E with only one hip" box. We've been doing a lot of sitting down on the playmats picking things out of a bowl of objects and throwing them on the floor. I put Leo's glow poi onto colour changing mode and dangle them slowly in front of E while they grab for them. Turns out you can spend 45 minutes that way if you really lower your expectations.

Other recommendations for low-output parenting activities for a wriggly, curious 6 month old in need of distraction welcome.

I've also been putting cartoons on. We don't have a TV and barely watch any films or Netflix, and I've made a point of not resorting to screentime in the general course of things. But I think "everyone is ill" is a valid exception. We've been watching Chip and Potato, which is very wholesome and strangely addictive once you get into it.

I've been wearing the same set of pyjamas for 48 hours now.

Breastfeeding has been a rough ride at times, and I nearly quit once or twice, but now I'm so glad to be doing it. This virus is a bit hard on the digestion on top of everything else, and E isn't keen on solids right now. Being able to give E not only nutrition and hydration but also medicine in the form of my antibodies is utterly invaluable.

Leo's away overnight. I'm alone with E for 24 hours. And I'm loving it.

wildeabandon came to visit this afternoon. It was really good to catch up and properly introduce him to E, and he helped out with the washing up and entertaining E while I folded laundry and tidied up a bit. We haven't finished sorting stuff out after our Christmas travels yet, but at least the luggage is upstairs and ready to be unpacked.

After

wildeabandon left, I hung out with E and did some chores: stuffing inserts into cloth nappies, running a couple of laundry loads, stacking washable baby wipes in the tubs. I made sure the bedroom was ready for bedtime, and made up E's cot in preparation to putting them down.

I treated myself to a takeout, so I wouldn't have to try and cook on my own while caring for E. There's enough left for lunch tomorrow too. I'd debated whether to try and cook (or wait for it to be delivered) and eat before putting E to bed, or whether to start sorting food out for myself once they were asleep - but in the end ordering, and then starting bedtime, seemed like the best compromise. They'd been feeding for 45 minutes by the time it arrived, and I managed to get downstairs, answer the door, cover the takeout with a blanket, get back upstairs and lie down again with them in bed without them breaking the latch.

Half an hour later they were asleep and tucked in in the cot, the baby monitor was plugged in, and I was downstairs with a cuppa and a plate of curry feeling like superparent.

Leo is out on a date with their girlfriend. It's their first date away from home since the birth; until now, B has been coming here, and we've all been navigating the awkwardness of sharing space and childcare. It's been a mixture of B helping Leo with childcare and housework while I get some work done, me doing childcare so B and Leo can have some time alone together, and all three of us hanging out. So their first date at B's place since E's arrival is a real polyamory milestone.

I knew I was feeling good about giving Leo the opportunity to have a nice time - and even living vicariously through their freedom to Go On A Date Sans Baby. But until I got it, I didn't anticipate how much I needed the solitude.

Being downstairs, with E asleep in the cot upstairs, is the first time I've felt truly alone since the birth. I'm not alone, of course - they're still my responsibility, and when they woke up with a cry a little while ago, I went straight up and soothed them back to sleep. But now they're asleep again, and it feels like having the house to myself.

I lingered over my curry, reading. Drank my ginger tea. Put some washing on and carefully wiped down the high chair tray. Considered going straight to bed. I'm chronically sleep deprived (of course: but more so since Leo's operation than before it) and E wakes up every morning at 8.30am sharp, and I'll need to do a change and a feed or two between now and then; so I'm not looking at a full night's sleep. But this solitude feels so precious and nourishing, I feel like I need it more than another half hour in bed. I'm on the sofa with my laptop, nursing a single malt and enjoying the luxury of typing on a keyboard rather than my phone. (I've developed phone RSI in my wrists since the birth, from using my phone so much more while breastfeeding. At the moment I'm trying to use my phone less, and listen to audiobooks or read paper books instead during feeds.) I feel like I could easily stay up for another hour or so, writing and reading. But it's nearly midnight, and I'll enjoy tomorrow more if I go to bed sooner rather than later.

Being alone is lovely. I hope Leo and B have another date soon so I can do it again.

The rituals of parenting really suit me. I like having systems in place: the things that go in the go bag (muslins, cloth nappies, wipes travel bag, dirty nappy bag, change of clothes for E, warm hat for E, water bottle); the items I need for feeding E in the high chair (foldable tray table and bib, sterilised silicone spoons in ziplock bag, wet cloth wipes in ziplock bag, pots of baby food); the routine of setting up the bedroom for baby care overnight (pile of cloth nappies, topped up wipes tub, clean potty. Fill several water bottles. Turn down the cot. Pyjamas. Phone on charge). The system for sharing a bath with E (run bath, add thermometer, check temperature. Put bouncer next to bath with towels on it. Run fan heater on low to warm bathroom. Undress me and E. Sit E on potty. Wrap E in towel and carry them through. Put E in bouncer to do a final temperature check. Pick them up and get into the bath. Play with them in the water for a while, supporting them while they float and splash. Rest them in my lap and support them with one hand while I bathe them with the other. Rinse them. Hold them with one hand while I wash hair, face and armpits. Play in the water a bit more if they aren't bored yet. Put them in bouncer, get out of bath, wrap them in towels. Pull bath plug. Dance and chat to them while drying myself. Carry them back through to changing station. Dry them, fuss them, potty them and dress them.)

It's comforting to know what I'll need to care for E in different circumstances, to have a routine in place which I know works, to not have to wing it. I like having a plan. I like debriefing, optimising the plan, tweaking it to improve it next time. I like refining my list of necessary objects so I can carry slightly fewer things with me next time because I know exactly what I need. Scheduling with a baby is unpredictable, but the familiarity and repetition of the routines is comforting.

Since Leo's surgery we had people staying to help our for the first couple of weeks, but this last week we've been on our own. We booked extra days of childcare, but our lovely nanny C had to cancel due to their kids being ill, so we've had to make do without. It's been a bit of an endurance slog.

I'm getting much less sleep than usual, as Leo is still not able to carry E due to the way it loads their hip, which is still healing post op, so I'm on call for nappy changes as well as feeds. Being out of bed more wakes me up more and makes it harder to get back to sleep. And there have been nights when Leo's not been well enough to even be on cuddle-E -back-to-sleep duty, so I've had my sleep disturbed by a wriggly baby as well as everything else. Oh, and E's been waking up every 3 hrs. I reckon I've been getting around 5-6 hrs a night, which over three weeks leads to a serious accumulated sleep debt.

I feel fatigued to my bones. A few days ago I said to Leo I wss reaching some sort of limit. I've been spending energy I don't have for a while, digging into my reserves, and I'm about to run out of credit. But dealing with the pain of their recovery, stress of trying to go back to work, and as much childcare as they're doing to try and give me a chance to cook and do housework, never mind any of my own work, is leaving them exhausted too. There's no slack in our system.

I've had a few days in a row now of doing minimal childcare. Slinging them and getting the bus to the library. Putting them in the bouncer with a piece of wrapping paper to play with while I wrap presents. Lying them in the baby gym and then sitting next to them and watching and chatting to them. Sitting them up on the sofa with their bowl of Interesting Objects and just providing physical support to stop them falling over, and picking stuff up if they drop it and want it back.

They have actually done some Independent Sitting lately for up to 30 seconds at a time unsupported. And they can do much longer with a little support, like a bean bag cushion behind them. The time when they can sit next to me and play while I do something /else/ with my hands is not far off!

I'm well behind on the housework. But I did manage to do a bit of work on Saturday thanks to Leo's girlfriend B, who slung E and got them to take a 2 hour nap, which was frankly amazing. So I've got content queued over Christmas. And I have a) got everyone presents, and b) wrapped all the presents (with help from E), so I'm feeling much better about it all than I was before the weekend. We're travelling and our hosts are sorting food, so apart from bringing a few items with us we don't have that to worry about.

We're spending Christmas Eve to Boxing Day with Z & E, E's Oddparents, and 26-28th with my family in Sheffield, stopping in to visit my Grandma on the way back. It'll be the first time she's met E. I'm looking forward to seeing her.

Tomorrow my metamour B is coming back to help out with childcare while I pack, or maybe help me pack. It's really decent of her to help us out. I'm grateful and relieved not to be trying to do all the breastfeeding, all the child carrying, all the packing and all the housework by myself. Together I'm hoping we can blitz the physical tasks and leave the house in a state that won't be horrible to come home to.

I love Christmas. I'm excited about seeing chosen family and family of origin. We're doing Piemas with Z and E, and spending the day making and eating delicious vegan gluten free pies. And my parents are both vegan now too, so there'll be lots of tasty plant based noms with them too. Cashew cheese!

Tonight I went out with a group of friends for a gay (actually bi) Christmas dinner at Toby Carvery, with E, and it was epic.

I'd had the most executively dysfunctional day ever due to extreme sleep deprivation. Leo gave up work hours to ensure I was fed. I managed to have lovely low key hangouts with E despite my exhaustion, making them giggle playing peekabo and doing silly faces, giving them shiny wrapping paper to play with in the bouncer while I wrapped presents, having a bath together. It was a really nice parenting day.

H came over two hours early to spell me so I could have a lie down, made me tea and helped me get the go bag packed with nappies, wipes, bibs and everything we needed while E fussed on the boob. Even though it was the first time we'd met. That act of kindness made going out to the dinner I'd booked a month ago feel possible rather than overwhelming.

It was so good and nourishing to see friends. E finally latched on for a steady feed, so H piled my plate with roast veg and put it in front of me. EM bounced E on their knee while I went to the loo and bought a drink. D spent ages holding E, showing them the Christmas tree lights (they were entranced) and even took them for a nappy change. V sat next to them in their high chair and spooned mashed potato for them while I finished my food.

E didn't nap today despite my best efforts. I feared it would be exhausting juggling a wriggly, overtired baby while trying to eat and socialise. But thanks to me friends it felt effortless.

Thanks to D for co-organising. Thanks to everyone for coming out to my part of town so I could walk home and have a drink. It was lovely to see people before we went our separate ways for the holidays. Hurray for friends turning a desperate day into an easy and nourishing evening. I feel supported, included and full of Christmas cheer.

Leo went into hospital last week for a hip arthroscopy. They were in overnight and the surgery lasted three hours. As well as taking a look with the camera, the surgeon reshaped the ball of the hip joint and constructed a labrum out of other tissue, because the labrum was apparently entirely worn away.

So I had 36 hours of solo Podling care - a first. It wasn't my first night alone with them, but it was our longest stretch just the two of us. It was lovely, actually, although tiring. We went out in the evening to borrow a pair of crutches from

denny The next day my friend D came over to help out, and accompanied me and E on the drive to collect Leo from the clinic in central London.

I'd wondered if having her there for the drive would be overkill, but it turned out to be so necessary. E was hungry on the way there, and D bottle-fed them in the car seat. It was so great to have her able to distract them with toys, keep them company, talk and sing to them. Still, E got Fed Up of being in the carseat, and there was crying. We pulled over twice to check nappies and feed, and as soon as they were in my arms they were totally chill - and as soon as we put them back in the car seat they started crying again. It was pretty miserable.

As we were nearly there, with a crying baby, there was a road block - and the diversion was jammed solid with traffic. We had to pull over again, and eventually just tough it out. Crying baby in solid central London traffic with aggy taxi drivers cutting you up is not an experience I recommend.

We collected Leo. With a crying baby it wasn't quite the soothing caregiving welcome back I wanted to give them. My attention was torn between Leo and E. It was all a bit compromised. Eventually we got home, but whew, what a mission! The round trip took 4.5 hours rather than the 2.5 I'd been expecting.

Since then Leo's recovery has been progressing remarkably well. They're already off crutches around the house, walking slowly and carefully and not carrying anything heavier than a cup of tea. Still, it means I'm doing breastfeeding and fetching and carrying for Leo, and all the nappy changes and cooking and laundry and housework. It's a lot.

I've had a few nights doing all the nappy changes and soothing and feeding and cuddling rather than sharing it with Leo as I usually do. How single parents do it I don't know. I'm very tired. I'm glad it's temporary!

We had our dear friend, E's oddparent, Z come and stay for four days to help out. And Leo's girlfriend was here for a day and a night too. So that's been really useful, having extra help with the laundry and the dishwasher and so on, but it also means more people to cook for and more cleaning up to do. Despite everyone pitching in the house still ended up messier than it started.

Leo's mum

strongwomanplant is here now for the next few days. Leo is now well enough to do sofa-based childcare, so this evening Gina and I have blitzed the tidying and washing up while Leo dandled E. It makes such a difference to my mood when the place is tidy!

There's still a lot of clutter, but sorting that out is a deeper job and it's all we can do at the moment to stay on top of the basic maintenance. So we'll just have to live with the clutter for now.

The most important thing is that Leo seems to be recovering well. Fingers crossed the surgery has restored their hip function enough that they won't need a hip replacement next year.

We have *sharp inhale* actually got enough support right now. Between our cleaner, Char visiting for a nannying day once a week, dear friends who babysit, and social visits from friends and family willing to pitch in, we are actually keeping on top of the housekeeping and childcare while each managing to get some work done. It's... frankly astonishing.

We just asked our cleaner to go back down to one visit a week rather than two, because we're managing the laundry and housework with help from everyone else, and the last few times there's not been that much for her to do. The fact that the ranitidine continues to keep E's sickness at bay really helps.

Speaking of E they've had loads of development milestones lately! Here's some of what they've been doing:

Picking up all the objects from the Bowl of Interesting Objects and throwing them on the floor one by one
Smooshing their hands in my food, getting covered in gravy and dropping rice and peas into my lap
Talking and singing with great enthusiasm and conviction. More vowels than consonants, but very expressive. Lovely whistling fluting noises. We've been doing lots of mirroring and dialogue and it's absolutely adorable.
Giggling! Lots of smiles but also proper chuckles and laughter. They like being tickled, and rolling around on the bed, and being pounced on. And nomming things. I like E's sense of humour. They are funny.
Chewing All The Things. Char reckons they can feel top teeth under the gums. Lots of dribbling.
Sitting up with a bit of support. Sitting up propped with pillows on either side, doing independent play on the sofa. Sitting in a highchair bolstered by a wrap smooshed around them for extra support.
Grabbing things and putting them in their mouth. Mostly people's sleeves and hands.
Getting much better at tummy time. Also enjoy doing acro and being a flying baby!
They aren't rolling so much as doing... a sort of volitional toppling? Basically they can get from sitting to lying, they just don't know what to do next. It does mean I have to keep a close eye to make sure they don't semi-deliberately topple off the sofa. I've had to catch them once. Now I wedge them in with cushions.

I think they aren't sleeping enough? They're managing 7-9 hours most nights around feeds, and 0-3 hours a day in naps? A couple of days recently they've had no naps at all. A four month old is "meant" to be sleeping 14 hours a day total, although they also say that if your baby seems happy most of the time they're probably sleeping enough, which E does.

Anyway, I want them to have all the sleep they need for good brain development. Not to mention that more sleep would be good for us! We've been doing baby led sleep so far, but we've decided maybe some gentle encouragement/facilitation might be in everyone's interest.

So we've started a bedtime routine at 8pm. I get in pyjamas with brushed teeth. Put E in warm sleep clothes, grow bag, nappy change and hold out, lights out, cuddle and feed until asleep. Then gently transfer to the side cot and tuck them in.

It's been working well. A couple of nights we got them down by 9.30pm. Which suddenly creates time for Leo and I to spend together. We've been having sex! We did 30 minutes of meditation together! Amazing.

Sometimes though even with the routine they feed for an hour, sleep for a bit, wake up, feed for a bit, sleep for a bit, wake up, feed again... And then it's 11.30pm or something.

The last week or so we've had the 19 week sleep regression. Neurons are firing, brain is active and it leads to disturbed sleep much as it does with adults. We've had a couple of nights of 60-90min feeds every 60-90 mins, and by 8am after 12 hours in bed I've had around 4 hours sleep. Brutal.

Still, we've been making good progress with daytime naps. E is very sensitive to sensory input and tends to get a bit manic, so the trick is to anticipate a nap (eg a feed around 11am), change nappy, turn the lights down, close the curtains, turn music off and stop talking. I was stuck under a baby with the lights on the other day and had good results putting a muslin over their head.

Of course, this technique only works if I'm then available to spend the next 30-45 mins snoozing under a baby.

On days when someone else is on primary care duty it's about putting them in the sling at the right time and going for a walk. Which, given the weather, also involves dressing them in two pairs of leggings, two pairs of thick socks and a fleece hoodie.

So... naps are a bit of a production. And neither approach (sling nor post feed cuddles) frees up the primary caregiver to do anything else. But we're making good progress with settling them in the side cot for the first one or two sleep cycles of the night, so with time maybe we'll be able to work up to settling them in the cot for a nap, too.

Lovely visits from my mum originotley and dad, and Leo's mum strongwomanplant, who are all delightfully keen grandparents and so good with E. It's a pleasure to see them and I wish they lived closer.
A Long Walk and Lunch with theladylily, talking of many things. We are trying to make it a monthly occurrence and I Like It. I'm really enjoying how having a baby has deepened my connections with friends who are parents, many of whom I haven't seen since they had their kids.
I went out! For burgers! I took E in the sling and spilled lettuce on myself and ate a big pile of food. It was great. I breastfed in awkward positions at a high table on a bench that was too close to it. I had lovely chats. It was so good to go out socially and feel like a real person again. I'm really appreciating my friends who are willing to include E in our hangouts, stop the conversation when E is demanding my attention, give me physical assistance, hold them and play with them to give me a chance to do something else from time to time. It's so lovely to be able to be a friend and a parent rather than having to choose.
Another weekend, I spent an afternoon at our local Toby Carvery with E and a good friend, alsobvery adept and willing to help look after E. We drank wine and ate lots of roast potatoes. E was very interested in the Christmas lights. I really like being able to take them out. And it was so nice going out locally and being able to walk home.
An excellent long weekend with E's wonderful Oddparents Z&E, our dear queer friends who live in Birmingham. It was great to see them as always, and as always they gave us loads of support with childcare and housework. We did a couple of big batch cooks, and spent a couple of hours on Saturday playing Bards Dispense Profanity, which relies entirely on Shakespeare quotes. It's much funnier and more harmless than Cards Against Humanity while still being plenty rude. Also suitable for playing while breastfeeding!
Also that weekend w finally got round to refilling the hot tub for the first time in a couple of months. Since it's nearly winter, we also added the play pool balls which we use as a hilarious insulating layer to keep the heat in (2000 of them, because apparently that's how many you need to get a layer two balls think on top of a six person hot tub). We took E into it. They loved it. Best baby sensory play ever!

The hot tub is expensive to heat. We've used it once since Z&E left, but not this week, and we're about to go away for a weekend. I think it might be sensible to empty it and refill it again when we want it, rather than paying to heat it in cold weather when we're barely using it.

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gajumaru

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gajumaru

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