halojedha: (Default)
Another oats-based post! I made vegan flapjack yesterday. I based it on this recipe, more or less, but I'm not sure the changes I made worked. I put more nuts in than this, and I ground the almonds and cashews into small bits in the food processor, which made quite a lot of nut flour, so I decided to leave out the flour. Then I changed my mind and added flaxmeal, figuring it would do for flour-a-like and nutrition. I also put in pumpkin seeds (lots), cinnamon and raisins.

I left out the sugar, cos baking recipes often have soooo much more sugar than they need, and when I was younger flapjack just had three ingredients, oats, butter and syrup, plus whatever flavourings you wanted. Sugar was never one of the ingredients! 

I used coconut oil instead of margarine - about 3/4 of the amount since coconut oil is higher in fat. I don't know if I used the same amount of syrup as the recipe - I used all the syrup we had, and after I'd stirred it, it seemed like a consistency that would stick together, so I went for it. It's delicious, but it's very crumbly and isn't stuck together very well.

Clearly it needed either more golden syrup, or I needed to melt some sugar into the fat after all. I don't know if the flour was essential to the sticking together process. Dairy butter definitely makes things stick together better than coconut oil, so I think with vegan flapjack you do need to make it stickier somehow, but I wanted to make it lower GL. Hrrrrrm. I have added nut butter for stickiness in the past, but I found myself unsure how much this actually contributes to holding the thing together once it's baked. 

More experimentation required, which is a bit tricky when I didn't measure how much syrup I used this time. But I did it based on vibes/consistency last time, so next time I'll just aim for 'stickier' and see what happens!
halojedha: (dark celtic)
A while back when I was travelling overnight for work, I bought a box of chocolate flavour "Fuel" porridge sachets and had one for breakfast. It was good! I still have the rest of the box for the next time I'm travelling, but I figured if I wanted to have some while I was at home I might as well make it myself - less packaging that way, a lot less sugar, and a fraction of the price. We have a bunch of matching plastic cereal tubs with lids which live on a shelf, so I made myself up a mix of mostly oats, plus a bit of soya protein powder, chia seeds and cacao, and gave it a good shake. It's been really nice to have an easy breakfast in the mornings which is a bit more substantial than just oats without the extra protein, and the tub I mixed is nearly finished.

I have found that even though the oats are naturally sweet, the protein powder and the cacao make it a bit bitter without added sugar (which the packaged version has in excess) so I've been adding honey to my bowl, but next time I might consider adding some coconut sugar or something to the mix. I've also noticed that the chia seeds swell up and then get stuck in my braces, which is annoying, so I've been meaning to try a different seed next time I mix it.

This morning E was having cinnamon and raison bagel for breakfast and I quite fancied something similar, so I mixed up a bowl of oats, protein powder, cinnamon, raisins, flax seeds and a tsp of coconut sugar. It was yum! I think that might be my next batch in the big tub once I've finished the chocolate one. The flax seeds are a win (none stuck in my teeth!) but I'm not sure how digestible they are in their intact form - they're so small they tend to get swallowed without being chewed - so next time I'll try grinding them into meal in the spice grinder and see how that affects the texture. They'll probably be more nutritionally available that way, but they might make the porridge more gluey, so I'll do another experiment before I commit to a big batch.
halojedha: (Default)
Reading: A lot of T Kingfisher; having finished the Saint of Steel books I went back to her earlier work in the same universe and hoovered up Swordheart and the Clockwork Boys duology, both of which I enjoyed a lot, although her romance formula of "savvy smart woman, tortured sword-wielding man who thinks he's not good enough" gets a bit stale after the umpteenth repetition. (At least one of the Saint of Steel books is m/m, but there's still a savvy smart skinny man and a tortured sword-wielding muscular man who thinks he's not good enough).) I also read The Hollow Places, which totally fucked me up and reminded me why I don't normally read horror (but which was good enough that I still made myself finish it, although I refused to read it after 9pm).
Since then I've devoured A Glimmer of Silver by [personal profile] juliet - a thoughtful and moreish novella about humans dwelling on an ecoplanet with a sentient Ocean which wants something different than the official liaisons have been claiming it does. It's got a charmingly flawed protagonist who comes through satisfyingly in the end, and some tantalising worldbuilding which I'd love to see more of. For a short book it packs in some big themes, exploring the tension between social and individual autonomy versus harmony with nature, and the question of when and how it's morally acceptable to eat animals. Very enjoyable.

I've just started A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik and am finding it extremely entertaining, especially El's narrative voice. She is just so Done.

Watching: I finished Getting Curious with Jonathan van Ness (loved it, delightful, adore them even more now), blasted through season 2 of Bridgerton (highly aesthetic trash which I found very watchable despite the terrible writing and bizarre lack of queerness), considered watching something a bit more substantial (I'm halfway through episode 2 of Picard but am much more in the mood for mindless fluff at the moment) so ended up on Queer Eye: Germany. Looove!

Initial impression: way more grungy, alternative and real than the high-glamour US version. The Fab Fünf are more heavily pierced and tattooed, especially David Jakobs, who I am obsessed with - she deserves every bit of stardom that has come JVN's way and I hope she gets it. Ayan, Leni and Alyosha are immediately warm and charming. Jan-Henrik I was slower to warm up to - there's still something a bit stilted and tense about him in contrast to the relaxed warmth of the others - but he does produce the occasional self-deprecating joke, and his relationships with the heros are just as good as everyone else's. J-H may be less charismatic than Tan France, but he's also more humble, interested in helping each individual develop their own aesthetic and giving it a final polish, rather than making choices for them. The format is improved too: Aljosha is Health rather than just food and wine, and Leni is Life rather than Culture, and her choices of activities are kind, gentle, empathetic and creative. The German heros all seemed less comfortable being on TV and less emotionally demonstrative than their US counterparts, so there's less Dramah, but it feels more real. I did a big old cry during episode four, and if they make more, I will watch it.

Writing: I'm off work on plague leave, so no progress on The Big Non-Fiction Book, but I have tentatively started a novella that's been churning around on the back burner for a few years. I've managed an average of 400 words a day three days running, but only by writing extra one day and then skipping the next. I did some planning, started the story, felt really happy, then came back to it this morning, wrote more, started second-guessing some of my choices and feel like I'm probably going to throw away everything I've written so far and start again. It's all part of the process! Thank you to Covid I guess for giving me a work-free week and the space to write something other than fic. According to my master spreadsheet I've written 57k words of fiction over the last two years, almost all of it fanfic or original erotica, so it feels good to finally break the seal on starting an original project that's a bit more ambitious.

Growing: The beans are poking their heads up and seem to be doing well indoors. The rest of the seed trays remain quiet, so either it's been too cold for them to germinate or they're biding their time. I've been potting up various things I brought home from the garden center - house plants and succulents which were Baby and therefore cheap, and immediately needed more space, got done a couple of weeks ago, and the rest got neglected until today. The rocket, pak choi and mint were all suffering from not having enough space, and may not make it, but I repotted them all today along with the parsley, which was doing fine. We'll see what happens. It was a push energy-wise - I hope I didn't overdo it, but all those plants would have died if I didn't, so I made my choices. 

Cooking: Really basic stuff due to low energy levels. Omelettes. Vegan meat substitute with rice and steamed veg. Some poached salmon fillets. A baked polenta thing. Oh, I made a large batch of soy mince thing with puy lentils, mushrooms, carrots, onions, leeks and pinto beans. It was meant to be sort of bolognesey, but was a bit weird without the tomatoes. Still tasty though.

halojedha: (Default)

(Post format shamelessly adapted from [personal profile] kaberett)

Reading: I've started a few books recently without finishing them. My attention span hasn't been favourable for new fiction lately. I do intermittently manage to finish some new fiction: recent faves (for certain values of "recent" ie October/November) include Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon, The Rising Flood by [personal profile] juliet Kemp, and The Galaxy and the Ground Within and A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers. But mostly it's Locked Tomb fanfic and Gideon/Harrow re-reads.

Listening (Audiobooks): I finally finished A Promised Land by Barack Obama, which I got a lot out of, but lost interest just before the end and it took me ages to actually finish it. I've listened to the TLT audiobooks and am extremely glad I did, because Moira Quirk's performance is incredible and adds a lot to my enjoyment of the stories, including making it easier to write fic because I can hear the characters' voices more clearly. Continuing my self-directed nerdery in mental health and relationships, I took in Complex PTSD by Pete Walker recently which was extremely eye-opening and an excellent explanation of how the four "F" trauma responses work in practice, as well as containing lots of practical and grounded suggestions for managing flashbacks and approaching recovery. Since finishing that I've started Polysecure by Jessica Fern, which comes recommended by many and which so far I'm finding to be clear, compassionate and wise.

Listening (Music): A lot of Catriona MacDonald's 2000 album Bold on repeat. From there, the algorthm has recommended me Catriona McKay and Saltfishforty, both of which I've been enjoying. I've also been dipping into Tori Amos, Florence + the Machine, Kate Bush, Kathryn Tickell, Karine Polwart, and Kate Rusby, who I used to find a bit wet but now feel is the perfect vibe for putting on while I'm cooking, or driving Ember home in the car. According to Spotify I've also played Roundabout by Yes several times lately, which I am totally fine with. In fact I'm tempted to listen to it again now. 

Watching: Not much, but I did treat myself to a film the other night after Ember fell asleep, and watched the whole Paddington movie on my own on my laptop. It was very silly and I enjoyed it. It's always a treat finding a kids' movie with an extraordinarily famous cast, who are all playing daft bit parts apparently just because they like working together. The posh-vintageish-London aesthetics were beautiful, in a Potterverse sort of way, and I want every single one of Nicole Kidman's outfits.

Writing:
I took part in my first fic exchange! I managed to finish a work by the deadline and I didn't hate it, which was very pleasing, and I was delighted with my gift. I don't link my AO3 username publicly so I'll post links separately. Other than that I have a bunch of WIPs, all TLT. I managed to do some work on the non-fiction book last week - currently revising chapter 7/12 - but all my work hours have been taken up by commercial stuff this week. I'm keen to get back to it as soon as I can. I've also started writing down some of the stories I make up for Ember, with the vague thought that they might work as kids' books, although I don't really want to do the illustrations myself so it's unlikely to happen.

Cooking: A lot of comfort food. Pasta with creamy vegan cashew cheeze sauce and roasted cauliflower with turmeric - a sort of cauliflower cheese/mac n cheese mashup. Lots of tuna and cheese melted sandwiches. Butternut squash, lentil and tofu coconut curry. Quinoa with spices, broccoli and beans, made extra decadent with soy cream, tamari and chopped herbs to garnish. Tonight I cooked sea bream in foil parcels in the oven with chopped fennel, green beans, garlic, herbs, olive oil and lemon, accompanied with brown rice and roast carrot. The bream was from frozen and even 40 mins at 220C wasn't enough: we had to finish it off in the pan, and the green veg came out crispy. Next time if I'm doing it from the freezer I'll either give it an hour, or open the foil after half an hour to let it finish. The carrots were incredible though: purple organic carrots from our Riverford box, which I chopped in half lengthwise and doused in olive oil, salt and pepper, with a splash of balsamic vinegar, to cook under foil until tender and then caramelise uncovered for a few minutes at the end. They were definitely the highlight of the meal. Breakfasts are usually either porridge with nut butter and fruit, granola and soy yoghurt, or toasted bagels with tofu bacon (the THIS isn't bacon brand, which I like a lot) and a fried egg.
 

Making: Not much; writing and care tasks are basically it. I spent an evening sculpting clay with L last week and made a cat-dragon, but it's not finished yet. Lots of drawing and colouring with Ember. Ember and I have done various fun activities together lately: making a ball pool out of ball pool balls and a cardboard box; building blanket forts for the stuffies and Duplo villages; dissolving corn packing peanuts in water; making towers and nests and slides out of cushions; giving each other washi tape manicures; sticking foam shapes to sticky-backed plastic. Leo and I are making gradual progress tidying and organising the house with the aim to create more beauty and harmony in our space. I hand-sewed curtain rings onto an old pair of curtains and found it highly satisfying, enough so that I'm considering taking up cross-stitch so I can have more things to sew.
halojedha: (Default)
Coming to the end of our fourth day of holiday and I feel really good. It took me a few days to unwind. Even a couple of days in I was noticing more anxiety and reactivity than usual. I think there's still a backdrop of "only moderately okay" - what I've heard people call "covid good", as in, as good as can be expected given the pandemic. Able to take pleasure and be grateful moment to moment, but every few weeks you have to fall apart and put yourself back together. That.

I'm feeling more grounded and relaxed now than I did at the start of the break. It's been a lovely, foodie, rhythmic, family few days. We've cooked and eaten several delicious meals - king prawn panang with homemade panang paste, Thai style sea bass, winter salad with fig, satsuma pieces, walnuts and olives, the mushroom pate, and a big roast dinner - in fact cooking, eating and cleaning up has taken up a substantial amount of each day, and I have no regrets.

Leo and I are spending as much of the time as possible together, enjoying sharing E with each other and the luxury of having two adults sharing whatever tasks need doing. E's been loving playing with their new toys from grandparents - especially their additional box of Duplo and their wooden bear puzzle, and the fire engine puzzle they got from Gina a few weeks ago. They're also obsessed with drawing so we do some of that every day, with paint pens (although we have to stop them eating them) and Crayola washable markers (which are all a bit worse for wear and we've just bought a new set).

We've done wet play in the tray table outdoors in the garden during the cold sunny day yesterday (warm water from the tap, because the rainwater was icy), walks in the nearby woods (E has a new puddlesuit gifted by biascut, and is very excited by puddle jumping - "da da da da DLASH!"), taken it in turns to DJ for living room hangouts, danced together, roleplayed with soft toys, done collaborative brightly coloured artworks, and other lovely things. We spent yesterday getting very giggly, and rolled around on the living room floor together with E climbing on us, and invented games like parachute with a blanket and twenty ball pool balls, which was hilarious (they went everywhere).

E is breastfeeding much less during the day these days. Since the start of December we've had three days a week of childcare on work weeks - Char on Fridays, who's been with us since E was a few weeks old, and our new nanny Shirley, who lives locally and brings her ten month old to work, so E has a playmate. I believe this will be good for them as they've had so few opportunities to spend time with other kids this year, but E is so far unconvinced.

I've been out doing work stuff for three long days this month, and E was fine every time. Our electric pump stopped working so we've been giving them formula in a cup when they ask for milk and I'm not there, plus solid food and herbal tea and water as usual of course.

I've noticed that even when I am there, they breastfeed a lot less during the day. Sometimes they're teething and can't manage it without biting. Sometimes they're super wriggly and chatty and stimulated and can't settle. So even if they're asking for boob, I often end up giving them cup milk instead, after a breastfeed is unsuccessful.

As a result, they're sleeping on me a lot less. We've started doing daily pushchair walks to induce naps (which is how Shirley and Char both get them to sleep). After lunch, warm clothes, blankets tucked in. Either I go alone and listen to podcasts while Leo does physio, or Leo and I go together.

So far it's worked everyday. They sleep for variable lengths of time once we get home. We park them in the garden with the hood up and tuck another blanket around them. For some reason they sleep better outdoors than indoors - bringing them in usually wakes them up. The day before yesterday they slept for two hours in total, three quarters of it in the garden. That was wonderful! But the last couple of days it's been much colder, and they've been waking up after twenty minutes or so no matter how many blankets we pile on.

So naps are in transition at the moment, and we need a new system that works in winter. I'll try bringing them indoors again, but we might need to try a hammock indoors, or start trying to build a sleep routine in their bedroom that doesn't rely on feeding to sleep (which is how they still get to sleep at night time).

Today was the first day we tried to get some domestic tasks done, rather than focusing exclusively on play, food and relaxing. We started putting up a curtain in the dining room to make the downstairs space cosier, cos it was freezing, but we realised the curtains needed adjusting, so we ended up measuring all the windows and curtains and figuring out which ones would go where and how much adjustment they each needed, plus making a shopping list for the rails and curtains we need to buy. It was a long job and at the end of it we still had no curtains, but it was an increment of progress at least.

This afternoon we both did our physio, which is the first time either of us have managed it since the start of the holiday. We also spent an hour trying to unfuck our bedroom. It's not what I'd call tidy yet, but it's heading in the right direction. Leo still has a few Boxes of Argh to unpack and I'm fighting a continual rearguard action against the floordrobe.

I also gave one of the orchids some attention. It had a few roots growing into the air, so I emptied the pot and repotted it so all the roots were under the bark layer. The orchids are so happy on the downstairs wet room windowsill. It's perfect for them - indirect light, humidity, warmth, regular mistings from the shower.

I still need to figure out what the pothus and the calathea need. Pothus is in the dining room now and is looking healthier - the conservatory was too cold. But some of the leaves have gone yellow, which suggests overwatering. The calathea is in the entrance hall, for warmth and shade, but it's still looking a bit brown and limp.

I'm off work until January the 4th or 5th; it feels good. Aiming to spend the rest of the time with a good balance of relaxing fun activities and satisfying house sorting. I've got a few fun things in the diary too - a kids' zoom rave, a walk in the park with a friend and her 18 month old - and some more ideas for family activities. It's lovely to have a nice long staycation and really focus on E, rather than trying to fit parenting in around other stuff.
halojedha: (Default)
E is one year old! Their development seems to be happening so fast. Here are the big ones lately:

Communication: LANGUAGE. IS HAPPENING. This is so exciting. There have been days recently where it feels like every single day we have a new language milestone, it's coming thick and fast. E now has six signs that they use regularly in context: Milk, Tree, Bird, Sun, Shower and Rain. (We spent AGES on the difference between sun and shower and now they're totally on top of it. We were walking in Lea Valley Park the other day and when we saw a waterfall they signed Shower. INCREDIBLE) They also understand a lot of other signs - such as Food and Wait - and they definitely understand English too!

For instance: E has a pet dead spider. It is on the back of our polycarbonate secondary glazing, which has come down off the window and is leaning against the wall for the summer. The dead spider is on the far side of the polycarbonate. Its underbelly is revealed in anatomical glory. E is obsessed with it, and keeps stroking it through the polycarbonate, pointing at it and shouting with delight. I've been chatting to them about it and telling them about spiders, using the sign for spider and so on. And then I sang Incy Wincy Spider the other day and they pointed at the spider. Leo also tells me that they said "toys" to them and they pointed at their toybox. So yes! Language! AAAH!

Mobility: They're confidently climbing onto the sofa from the floor and down again. They zoom around on hands and knees, and are almost as fast walking with a hand on furniture. They frequently take two or three wobbly steps when crossing from one support to another, like from the sofa to me or vice versa. As I was typing this I just watched them walk a metre from the sofa to Leo, who was in the middle of the floor - four steps at least!

They can climb up stairs without help and sometimes do, if we leave the stairgate open.

They can get down from the bed feet first...

...like on Monday when this TOTALLY CRAZY thing happened! I was having a lying down feed with them in hopes of a nap, as I've been waking up early or lying awake in the middle of the night a bunch lately and have been a bit sleep deprived. I didn't nap - heart and head too full of Things - but E had a good long sleep. We were up there for two and a half hours. They fed for a bit, slept a bit, fed a bit, slept a bit, fed a bit, and I was expecting them to be done with lying down after that feed... but they slept and rolled away from me, sleeping totally independently on the bed like they do at night.

So I snuck out. I went downstairs, and Leo and I had lunch and a zoom call with friends. While we were on the call I heard a thunk from upstairs. The cat was down here, so I went upstairs to check on E...

...and saw them happily CRAWLING TOWARDS ME ALONG THE UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR.

They had woken up, seen that they were alone, seen their water cup on the bedside table, fetched it, had a drink (as I learned later when I found the water cup in the bed), heard voices downstairs, got safely down from the bed, and started coming to find us. All without a cry!

How's that for independence? This is literally the first time they have woken up on their own without crying and I am SO IMPRESSED WITH THEM I CAN'T EVEN.

Sleep: The rain noise is m a g i c. Pure magic. We use Tropical Rain from mynoise.net (we have a subscription to the app) or sometimes Rain on a Tent. It works every time. So now we've got into a really great sleep routine. At 10:30am E has a long breastfeed, I put rain noise on, and they sleep on me. They're either feedingsleepingfeeding without ever really letting go of my boob, but sometimes totally limp and relaxed and not suckling before they wake up a bit and latch on again, or they feed for a bit and then sleep for a bit in my lap. Then in the afternoon either I take them for a sling walk, or Dot does*, or we do an upstairs lying down feed and nap together, or they fall asleep on my lap during their afternoon breastfeed. I'm definitely not doing the sling walk thing every day or even every other day, which is an enormous relief for my body.

At night they're feeding less, finally. I think the rain noise and lavender oil are helping with the sleep conditioning, so they feel familiar and safe to go back to sleep sometimes when they wake. They've slept "through the night" once or twice recently - like 9.30pm through to 5.30am - and then fed and dozed on and off until finally waking up at 7ish. Most nights they sleep 9.30pm until 7am with feeds every 3 hours at the start of the night and every hour from dawn onwards. Now I just need my own insomnia to sod off and I'll be better rested.

* OMG we have childcare again 1.5 days a week and it is literally lifechanging. Char is still unavailable but Dot has stepped doing and is doing an amazing job, and the extra work time is taking an enormous amount of pressure off me. It is SO GREAT.

Activities:
They're still obsessed with books and love being read to. They're very specific about which book they want. Today they climbed up on the sofa and pointed to the shelf of spillover books and kept pointing and vocalising until I picked out the one they wanted (Where's Spot). They love flip the flap books although several of them need repair after over enthusiastic tugging.

Char introduced me to the idea of schemas. E is currently fascinated by Enveloping and Positioning. Lots of moving items around, sorting them into piles, pulling stuff out of bags, putting things into containers and pulling them out again. They love playing peekaboo and will play it by themself, throwing a muslin over their head and pulling it off again and giggling. They love being given boxes and bags to open and toys to unwrap.

Their manual dexterity is greatly improving. They were playing with a little plectrum type object today, putting it in and out of a plastic cup. We like building towers out of wooden blocks - they don't do the building yet but they hand us blocks, we build with them, and then they try and remove blocks from near the top of the tower without knocking the whole thing down. They're getting pretty good at it.

They're getting more consistent with their shape sorter. They enjoy stacking toys. They've learned to pull the rings off the peg with their fingers (rather than just tipping them off) and have even put them back on once or twice, with a little guidance from me. They love playing fetch with a little plastic ball, and are learning how to roll it themselves.

They LOVE helping and being involved in whatever we're doing. They once took an entire airer of dry washing down for me, all the bits they could reach, and passed them to me one by one for folding. They like passing us nappies and laundry to hang and put away. They do sometimes try to take things down as we're hanging them, which is a bit awkward.

They love pulling books off shelves, will pull things off the dining table if we leave them too close to the edge. They're obsessed with getting their hands on whatever we're drinking, so we can't leave open containers of liquid around. We've baby proofed pretty well and are starting to be vigilant about pan handles sticking out, knives on the kitchen counter and so on

Food: still confidently eating with their hands. Broadening their range of tastes. Current favourite meals include cheesy omelette, bits of veg or fish picked out of our stirfries and curries (we've made our cooking totally salt free in order to be able to share it with E, and just add tamari or whatever to our bowls), fried mushrooms, courgette, fruit, bread and cream cheese. They are obsessed with smoked salmon, but it's salty so we almost never give it to them, and mete it out very carefully when we do. Most mornings they have the same breakfast as us: porridge with almond butter, defrosted frozen fruit, stewed prunes, Greek-style vegan yoghurt. They eat a mixture of vegan stuff, a bit of fish, and a bit of freerange organic egg and dairy.

They've been teething a lot lately - they're up to eight teeth now - and that makes them grizzly. They also have constant little flurries of frustration and temper when they can't do something or want something they can't have, but they're usually quite easily soothed. They know what they want and they're determined, persistent and wilful - definitely my child! Boundary-setting around biting is a work in progress and is creating some upset, but it's early days and since we changed our responses I have found it easier. Occasionally they get overwrought, but a snuggly breastfeed usually sorts it out.

They are a delight. Their mood is great most of the time: alert, engaged, curious, expressive, communicative. They're excited and delighted by the tiniest things and help make the simplest activities utterly joyful. Watching language centers come online is the best fun I have had in years.
halojedha: (Default)
We took another two day weekend. I'm so glad - I really needed it. The first day was spent feeling entirely floopy and fragile. We defrosted food and avoided the housework, doing the bare minimum and trying to rest as much as possible around E.

I feel like true rest doesn't exist any more. Even if Leo takes E while I rest or nap somewhere else, I know the clock is ticking, that it's taxing Leo, that I might be needed any moment. And when we're all together (which is the second most restful thing available) half my attention is always on the needs and safety of the rambunctious proto-toddler.

I spent Sunday experiencing grief over various things resulting from the pandemic. It hit me hard for a while.

But then on Monday we decided to take a second day off work, and I felt great! I slung E in the morning and did some gardening.

Gardening things including bean woes )

Yesterday also contained lots of cooking. I baked cake, which turned out well - I'm enjoying getting the hang of baking which meets Leo's dietary needs. And we cooked two batch meals (kedgeree for the fridge and fish pie for the freezer, using the fresh fish from the last grocery order before it went off).

The other big achievement yesterday was a job which we've been talking about for ages, and which we only just got round to. Moving the rooms around upstairs )
halojedha: (Default)
- I finished my Frankenchapter! It is now two chapters, and works well. Both are finished. Only one to go - I'm in the home stretch!
- Had a phonecall with a friend whom I haven't seen since the birth, and we're meeting for lunch next week
- E slept for nearly two hours on Leo today. They've been so tired with this cold bug, they needed the sleep
- Delicious stir fry with black beans, caramelised squash, courgette, onion, carrot, pak choi, and fresh garlic, ginger and turmeric
- Got chatting to the other parents at baby sign about birth stories, it was a bonding moment.
halojedha: (gloaming)
Oh, go on then.

- We made it out of the house and saw people. Even if we barely see some friends, we did at least get to meet H&F's three month old baby and have a nice chat before they left. Hopefully we'll be able to arrange a meet up another time.
- delicious homemade dinner: chana dal made with fresh turmeric and ginger, with brown rice and roasted cauliflower and sweet potato. We have lots left for tomorrow. There is an abundance of delicious fresh food in our home. I'm very grateful for it.
- our colds collectively seem to be on the way out, thankfully
- fun social plans this week which I'm looking forward to
- Leo is full of exciting marketing ideas after going to a two day seminar last week and is sharing them with me; I'm inspired to apply them to my own income-generating endeavours. More stuff to do... But free marketing advice is pretty great, even if it does show up how little I'm doing already.
halojedha: (Default)
Forgot to do these yesterday. Yesterday was hard. E has caught my cold, and on Thursday night there was no sleep from 2.30am onwards, only feeding and wriggling. Anyway. Gratitude!

- Last night E slept a little better. I brought them into the big bed in desperation, and then we all got sleep. Phew.
- I made it to Tai Chi this morning. Got the mucus flowing freely through all my meridians.
- A new friend came over tonight and babysat for us for three hours. Leo and I had a date! With each other! Without E! It was incredible. I'm relieved and affirmed to find our romantic connection is just where we left it. I want to try and do that every fortnight if we can. It was so good!
- I got groceries delivered including loads of vegan snacks. Galaxy is now doing a vegan milk chocolate bar with sea salt. It is very tasty.
- I've nearly finished writing the penultimate chapter of my book! I'd have finished it already except I keep thinking of extra bits to include. The end is in sight!
halojedha: (Default)
1. E and I got to hang out with [personal profile] taimatsu and her ten week old! He is a lovely one. Very soft ♥️ We did baby massage and it was very nice
2. Slices of bread make excellent baby toys if you don't mind crumbs. They are squidgy and destructible and edible. All the best qualities in one object!
3. E did not cry for the entire 1.5hr journey home. Only for half of it.
4. I was fed vegan rocky road and flapjacks!
5. I have such a smiley lovely lively wriggly baby who has Desires and Opinions and who does flappy hands when they are excited and I love them so muuuuch 🥰🥰🥰
halojedha: (Default)
Washing machine update: the new new one was installed today! It's running its first wash. Have high hopes that this one will not throw a fault.

Podling update: They are so chilled and cheery! Lots of smiles and chatty noises. Still quite a lot of congestion, which leads to sads at night when they're struggling to breathe.

Also still being sick a lot. Current theories are a) reflux due to tiny stomach valve being all soft and flim: b) food allergy. Apparently soy and dairy both contain proteins which are passed through to breastmilk and are common allergens, so I'm three days into cutting out soy and dairy entirely to see if that helps. I'm told it can take 3 weeks for the proteins to clear the baby's system, then you can reintroduce them one at a time to see if you notice any effects.

No soy as a vegan is tricky, but I do eat fish occasionally and will be eating more of it for a bit, along with lentils, beans and nuts. Made a big dahl last night which is one of my favourite foods, and makes super easy and nourishing microwave lunches.

In other Podling news, they slept alone in the side cot for a couple of hours the other night! They've been so consistently clingy and we've got so used to bedsharing that we haven't been trying it, but a few times lately they've not needed close snuggling for the first sleep cycle of the night, so we thought it was worth revisiting the idea of the cot. We had to reclaim it from its temporary duty as a changing table (which meant bringing up the folding table from the garage to use instead, and tidying the bedroom a bit) but that's now done and E slept blissfully for 2 hours before waking for a change and a feed.

We decided not to push it and to bring them into the big bed after that like they're used to. But we're aiming to get them used to sleeping alone for the first bit of the night. We didn't manage it last night due to cluster feeding (I actually managed to doze a bit doing lying down feeding) but will try again in the cot tonight!

Bottle feeding update: no real progress. We're plugging away with one attempted bottle feed a day, usually in the evening. Haven't managed every day, and recent attempts haven't resulted in much milk going into the baby. Will keep trying.

My sleep's been usually poor lately. Night time cluster feeding, having to hold them upright to help them breathe when they can't breathe lying down, and nighttime wriggles and squeaks that keep us awake even when E is sleeping. That's another reason it would be good if we can get them sleeping in the cot a bit more.
halojedha: (mermaid)
  • A Long Way To A Small Angry Planet: One of my favourite novels of the last few years. Humane, charming, warm, funny sci-fi with characters you really want to spend time with. Queers in space! Tea, gardening, polyamory, chats about trauma! Plus a rich and compelling world and convincingly page-turny plot. Do like. It's only £2.99 for Kindle at the moment if you haven't already read it.
  • Somehow I found myself looking at this recipe for homemade toothpaste. I'm considering making it.
  • Ten photos celebrating post-baby bodies. I needed these. I'm loving what my body can do at the moment, but it's taking active effort to overcome the shoot beauty fascist conditioning and appreciate the way it looks. These help.
  • Banana peanut butter energy bites. Saving for later, I want to make these.
  • How to win a PIP appeal. I'm shocked (and simultaneously not surprised) at the way the DWP are behaving at the moment, rejecting claims seemingly by default regardless of how impaired someone is. This advice document looks like it might be useful for people intending to appeal?
  • Why are queer people so mean to each other? An article by a queer therapist about community building, trauma responses and call-out culture. Some great nuggets of wisdom. "Conflict happens, but we can survive it. People are often disappointing, and we are allowed to set boundaries on relationships — but if our boundaries are too rigid, then we will always be disappointed."
  • Gender as colonial object. Essay on how colonial, binary, heteronormative gender norms were imposed on indigenous cultures, including in Nigeria, Persia and the Americas. I want to read more into each of those histories; I also appreciated this take: "It’s useful to connect the imposition of colonial gender systems to the need for reproductive labor under capitalist systems. In other words, the reification of two fixed gender categories, the framing of these categories along teleological reproductive timelines, the exclusion of women from public life, serve specific purposes within a capitalist system: the division of labor into productive and reproductive. If capitalism is a driver of colonization, and if colonization transforms gender systems, it’s worth investigating how capitalism and gender might relate. Oyěwùmí is keenly aware of this connection, exploring how the subordination of newly discovered women coincided with the expropriation of communal land and installation of slavery and wage labor in Yorubaland."
halojedha: (Default)


This is low glycaemic index, super tasty and incredibly filling. The key is the edamame noodles, which are high protein (a whopping 45g/100g dry weight) and have a firm, toothsome consistency which is a massive improvement on the easily-dissolved, gelatinous quality of a lot of other gluten free noodles (for instance, rice noodles). With the noodles providing as much protein per serving as high quality meat, you don't really need to add an additional protein source - so adding the tempeh and the peanuts makes this incredibly filling and sustaining.

As with all our recipes, this is gluten free, dairy free, and nightshade free. It's also mostly vegan, apart from the fish sauce; which we're both happy to eat, but which could be left out if you were serving it to someone else.

Ingredients (makes 8 portions)

Edamame noodles - 200g
Tempeh - 200g
Broccoli - 1/2 head, chopped fine
Chestnut mushroooms - 1 punnet, chunked
Red cabbage - 1/6 of a cabbage, chopped fine
Red onions - 4 small ones, chopped
Garlic - 5 cloves, chopped into little sticks
Ginger - 2 thumbs, chopped into little sticks
Peanuts - 1 handful, coarse chopped
Fresh coriander - 1 handful, coarse chopped
Lime or lemon - 1/2, quartered
Sesame oil - 4 tbsp
Coconut oil - 1 tbsp
Fish sauce - 2 generous sloshes
Chinese rice wine - 1 slosh
Tamari - 2 tsps ish
Star anise - 4 whole
Black onion seed - 1 tsp
Black pepper - 1 tsp, coarse ground
Coriander seeds - 4 tsps, cracked
Szechuan pepper - 1 tsp, cracked (optional)

Method

Grind the spices as specified, and slowly heat them with the ginger and garlic in the sesame and coconut oil in a large wok on a low heat while prepping the other veg.

Chop the tempeh into small cubes, turn up the heat and hot fry the tempeh in the fragrant oil for 3 minutes, until it's just starting to golden. Add the mushrooms to the fry, coat them in the oil and fry until they're just starting to darken. Add 2 tsps of fish sauce, and throw in the broccoli. Continue to fry and stir, keeping the wok on a high heat. Add another 2 tsps fish sauce.

Boil a kettle, add to a saucepan and cook the noodles, keeping them on a boil until they start to foam, then cooking for another 1 or 2 minutes until they are the right consistency. Drain the noodles.

Add the cabbage to the wok. After the cabbage has been stirfried for a minute or two, add the red onion. Give everything a good stir. Add a generous slosh of rice wine, the peanuts and tamari to taste.

Add the noodles to the wok and toss until they're well coated with flavour.

Serve with freshly chopped coriander and quartered limes.
halojedha: (Default)
This one isn't vegan! I've relaxed my veganism during the pregnancy and have been following my cravings. Am eating fish once or twice a week, cow cheese very occasionally, I had an egg once, and I've had beef pho once. I haven't had any hankerings for dairy milk or yoghurt, interestingly. I'm still 90% vegan, but it seems sensible to listen to my body in case cravings are related to needing specific nutrients for building a human (particularly the omega 3 and 6 fish oils which are essential for building brains. I take them as supplements but don't manage it every day and they're much more bio-available from actual food).

Not sure how my preferences are going to evolve once the baby arrives. Anyway, this could be made with sautéed smoked tofu instead of tuna with only slightly more effort, but we just had the tuna version and it was DELICIOUS, so I'll post that for now.

Creamy tuna pasta AKA how to make a vegan GF white pasta sauce )
halojedha: (Default)
Several of our friends have offered to bring us meals after we're newborn-enabled, which is very wonderful. I'm going to post recipes we like to make it easier. These are also good for feeding us on other occasions, or indeed if you have any other need for vegan, gluten free, nightshade free cooking!



Moroccan chickpea, squash & cavolo nero stew )
halojedha: Rainbow tree (rainbow tree)
I FELT A KICK! It was last week. Since then I've been feeling movements most days. That first one happened late at night, just as I was drifting off to sleep. Lying there and - BOOF! Something punches me from the inside. I swear I could feel my belly stick out where its little foot connected. Such a weird, awesome feeling. There is a creature inside me! It's alive!

At first it felt a bit shocking and extraordinary - I keep on waiting for the facehugger moment - but since then I've fallen in love with the feeling. Hello tiny strong creature! The other night I felt the movements start and called Leo, who came running with just as much excitement as I was feeling. They knelt down and put their hand on my tummy, and they were able to feel it too. It's very lovely.

Why We Sleep tells me that foetuses are asleep most of the time, and I mostly feel movements at night, so chances are they're kicking in their sleep. I'm told it's a REM sleep thing? I wonder what they're dreaming about. Anyway, the baby books I've been reading recommend massaging your belly when you feel movements to "commune with your baby" but if they're asleep this won't really help. My BFF (Bestest Faery Friend), who is also pregnant, tells me that some pregnant people get to the stage where they can play tapping games with their babies though, so maybe it's worth communing anyway, on the off chance that I can catch them while they're awake.

If nothing else, lying and tuning into my tummy sensations to see if I can feel anything is a nice way to spend the time when I'm trying to sleep.

Week 20 symptoms:
- Achy ribs, especially when sitting down. I guess my bump is getting heavy, and my rib muscles aren't used to it?
- Morning nausea (STILL) although I've become a fucking expert at managing it. It's all about eating the right things at the right time. Basically I need blood sugar asap after waking up - which in practice means waiting half an hour for my thyroid meds to kick in, then hitting breakfast, and eating toast or yoghurt and honey, rather than something low GI like porridge. Last time I tried eating porridge, a few days ago (it was so beautiful, with berries and seeds) I puked it all up again before I'd finished the bowl. No more porridge.
- Spots, especially on my shoulders and under my chin
- Itchy, sensitive skin
- Moodswings. I thought I was meant to get these in the first trimester, when I was too tired to really feel anything. But I'm getting them now. The last few days have been a rollercoaster. I hope it levels out soon!

We have our 20 week scan tomorrow, when apparently we get a full foetus tour, which is cool. I didn't manage to pick up my anti-emetic prescription from the hospital pharmacy yet, so I'll do that while we're at the hospital if I remember.

We've been shortlisting names, and have found several we like. Now we just need to be firm about not wanting to know the assumed sex of our child at the scan tomorrow...

I'm 20 weeks and 5 days. Over halfway! The bump already feels massive - I'm starting to feel like it's leading me around, it's definitely the frontmost part of my body. (It was neck and neck with my boobs for a while as they were getting bigger, but now it's in the lead.) I suspect I'm going to be ginormous in a few months.
halojedha: (Default)
Thankyou to [personal profile] doseybat for introducing me to this excellent taxonomy of foods by starch location: the cube rule of food identification.

Highlights:
  • Nigeri is toast
  • Hot dogs are tacos, and so is a slice of pie
  • Pop tarts are calzone

Also, it has allowed me to identify my Sandwich Alignment (Structural Neutral, Ingredient Rebel).
halojedha: (Default)
Leo and I both have specific dietary needs. From time to time, lovely friends of ours offer to cook for us (thank you friends!), so I thought it would be useful to start writing down recipes, to make it easy for people to look up suitable dinner ideas that won't be bad for us. This is the first post in the series - I'll be tagging them under recipes. In this post I'll just give an overview of our food needs.

Leo's food allergies )

My food needs )

Food we can both eat )

Basically, there are loads of things we can eat, and loads of delicious things you can make with them!

Mmm, I'm hungry now. Recipes involving these yummy ingredients coming soon.

Profile

halojedha: (Default)
gajumaru

January 2025

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
26 2728293031 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 11th, 2025 03:40 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios