halojedha | Entries tagged with babywearing

I found a wheelchair on Freecycle! It's manual rather than powered, folds up, has adjustable footrests. It seems basic but serviceable. It was being given away by an older lady who has replaced it with a powered one.

I'm really pleased. Hopefully Leo won't need one for very long, but right now it will be really useful. Once they've had their surgery and recovered we can pass it on to the next person who needs one.

I took the car and picked it up with E this morning. I'm hoping we can go out for a walk this afternoon, me pushing the chair with E on my back. I don't know how feasible that's going to be but I have hopes. If we try a short walk first we can just come home when it gets too much. Like with babywearing itself, I expect the more I do it the stronger I'll get.

I have visions of being able to have socially distanced days out to London Zoo or Kew Gardens. Maybe not Kew. Places we can drive to. Between Leo's decreasing mobility and Covid I've felt pretty trapped. I'm trying to book in more child-friendly distanced hangouts with friends, and have had some lovely times wandering around Lea Valley Reservoir with

the_lady_lily and her 5 year old, and breastfeeding in the woods with

kabarett and

me_and. But I miss doing things outside the house with my partner, and we very rarely Go Out and Do Things as a trio.

I'm braced for a second wave and another lockdown, and I'd love to get out and do some low-risk lovely things this summer while we can.

Bedtime tonight is totally out of whack.

E's been doing their Magical Non Napping Child thing lately. They've got very good at resisting being slung when they don't want it. They didn't nap the day before yesterday despite being slung twice, breastfed in bed with rain noise, the whole caboodle. Yesterday we managed to get them into the sling and then they slept for an hour. Today, no naps.

They're going through a bitey phase. ( Biting, breastfeeding and boundaries )

Naps help reduce the biteyness. We like naps. But naps don't always happen.

Today we tried the sleepy breastfeed, we tried the sling, we tried the nap routine with the singing and the rain noise and the lavender scent and the dark room and the breastfeed, and then the bottle milk when they were too bitey for boob. But no nap.

Then I had a work thing for a couple of hours. It was urgent and time sensitive - me and

denny, who has very limited availability, deploying new code, which meant breaking a public facing commercial website and fixing it again asap. I wasn't in a great position to stop once we'd started.

I heard lots of squawks and shouts from downstairs, and when I checked in via Signal Leo said they'd been teething and had just had Calpol. Then quiet. We were nearly done. Started to hear screaming again and it was a real effort to concentrate on work. E's getting more and more toddlerish with their sudden intense Big Feels if something is Frustrating or they Want something or feel Thwarted, so outraged shrieks of displeasure are a lot more common than they used to be. I figured if I got a message asking me to come, I'd come, but otherwise I'd press on and get the damn website back online.

So I did, and we did, and then I rushed downstairs to find Leo sitting on the kitchen floor holding a completely distraught child, who had sobbed themself into a state of utter wretchedness. They had been trying to get into the bathroom apparently, perhaps thinking to find me there, and then I wasn't there. Oh darling.

I scooped them up and cuddled them and talked to them softly and fed them, and they latched on and suckled in that heartbreaking pink, hiccupy way of a distraught baby. It was at this point 6.30pm, when we usually have dinner, followed by teeth brushing and books and bedtime routine and into bed by 8.30pm.

Reader, they fed until 8.30pm. I was nursing for two hours without a break for the first time since they had their tongue tie cut. They slept and fed and slept and fed and slept and fed. I read my book. Leo brought me food and beer and I ate and drank one handed. E's hot little head and body in my arms became damp with sweat, although they were only wearing a t-shirt and nappy. Halfway through they woke from a snooze Suddenly Very Sad again, but I got them back on the boob eventually.

They skipped their solid dinner entirely.

We had an hour of awake time, during which I desperately tried to go to the loo and brush my teeth and get both of us ready for bed while dealing with E's separation anxiety. Didn't manage to finish my teeth. But they are now, finally, after another bedtime routine and even more feeding, asleep in bed.

I've been awake since 5am and was hoping for an early night tonight, but it's now half ten and it's going to take me a while to calm down after all that.

We've finally found a sleep routine that works. E's sleep has always been difficult - they tend to get hyperactive when they're tired, and they're very bad at napping. We've never been able to achieve lying-down-on-their-own naps, they've only ever slept in full body contact, either in my lap after a feed or in the sling.

A few months ago I listened to The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. I love the gentle parenting philosophy, and it was reassuring to hear someone back me up on how cry-it-out or controlled crying sleep training is a really terrible idea if you want ato raise a securely attached, emotionally regulated human. But it didn't have much to say about naps. It was also incredibly repetitive - the sort of thing which is skippable when you're reading but unbearable when you're listening.

Still, I got a few useful things from it. Namely:

However many hours of sleep you've heard your child "should" have, ignore it: every kid is different and they need what they need. If they seem cheery and energetic and well rested they're probably fine.
If bedtime is a struggle try moving it later. Most kids get sleepy later than we think.
Routines are everything. Develop a routine, adapt it and stick to it. It's okay to be baby-led in terms of what time the routine starts, following tiredness cues, but whenever you start it, do the same things in the same order each time.
Don't be tempted to push bedtime back for your own convenience, like because you want to stay up late or want a lie in the next morning. Follow your child's circadian rhythms consistently.
Waking up frequently for night feeds is normal and nothing to worry about as long as breastfeeding is happening. And beyond that, totally normal for older toddlers to want comfort and cuddles when they wake at night.
Do what works for your child. If they need to be held to sleep, sling them. Trying to fight them over it is unlikely to be successful.

So I've been slinging them for daytime naps. It's time-consuming and increasingly tiring as they get heavier. It doesn't always work either, even when we're scrupulously attentive to cues. But it gives them the sleep they need, and that makes the rest of the day, including bedtime, much smoother if they're not overtired.

E needs around 11-12 hours sleep in 24. They usually get 10-11 hours at night - they're a great nighttime sleeper. Usually asleep 9-9.30pm and awake 7-7.30am, sometimes sleep in til 8am. (I know, what a blessing!) They feed 3-6 times during the night, usually more from 5am onwards. A couple of times we've had two long stretches of 3-5 hour sleep back to back with just one feed in between, which has been amazing!

Bedsharing helps them sleep longer, they seem reassured by my scent and warmth and perhaps sometimes they're waking and going straight back to sleep because I'm right there. It also makes night feeds almost effortless - I can literally do it in my sleep, or wake up for 1 min to get them latched on and then I fall asleep again while they're feeding.

After a few months of trial and error we've refined our bedtime routine. Here's what works:

Bedtime at 8.30pm or thereabouts. Dinner at 7pm, brush teeth, read books quietly downstairs until we see sleep cues.
Carry them upstairs singing a short "It's time for bed" song.
Sit them on the potty and put them in their nighttime nappy and pyjamas. Offer their water cup.
Close the curtains.
I get into pyjamas and take my meds, then sit up with pillows and offer a breastfeed. I've discovered that starting the feed sitting up is better than lying down, as they're usually wriggly to begin with and cradling them allows me to soothe them more effectively. When we're lying down and they start wriggling they just end up on all fours and it's no good for the latch, or they roll over.
If they're too wriggly and want to play, read books quietly, or stand at the window and let them watch the street (they LOVE this and can do it for literally hours, especially if it's raining, or there are dogs) or Leo sometimes gives them a soothing light show with their lev wand.
Once they're calm, back on the boob.
While they're breastfeeding sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. We learned four additional verses to help them settle.
Also while breastfeeding, play Tropical Rain Noise on the minirig from the myNoise app
If we remember, put lavender oil on the oil burner (we haven't got good at being consistent with this yet).
When they're feeding sleepily and have stopped wriggling, carefully lie down with them without breaking latch and let them fall asleep on the boob beside me.
Leave the rain noise playing all night until we get up in the morning, which helps them get back to sleep when they wake up in the night.

We don't do a bath every night, but when we do it's really helpful. I've learned that humans need to be cool to sleep, and baths are helpful because they raise our core temperature and then we cool down and the cool feeling makes us sleepy. So one thing that's really helped is not over-dressing E at night. They need fewer clothes than me to be comfy at night, and are often warm enough with just a t-shirt and nappy.

We've bought some extra padded night-time nappies with pop-in layers, which can cope for 12 hours of weeing without leaking. So we no longer need to do middle of the night nappy changes (although Leo got adept at doing them while E was lying down feeding or even sleeping without disturbing them).

Once we've even had a dry night nappy followed by a big wee in the potty, but that's only happened once!

The routine works really well. It's been easier getting E to sleep and they seem to stay asleep longer since we got it figured out. The rain noise in particular is total magic - it works on me too, I fell asleep at 9pm last night!

A couple of times we've tried the night routine upstairs for a bedroom nap during the day. It usually just results in a long dozey feed rather than actual sleep, but I intend to keep trying!

What has happened a couple of times lately is E falling asleep on me in a way that I can still get things done. They're great at sleeping in a back carry, which is perfect for doing quiet housework or gardening. They fell asleep being breastfed during a zoom call last week, and then slept soundly in my lap for 90 minutes while I sat on the floor with both hands free to type on my laptop! That was great. And once or twice I've been able to get them to sleep moving around in the sling, and then sit down at the table and use the laptop while they finish their snooze. And once, Leo has been able to get them to nap upstairs with them, without a breastfeed - although it took two hours and a lot of crying. But then they stayed asleep for 90 minutes and I had over three hours to myself! Magic!

So although the majority of naps are quite physically taxing involve long walks in the woods with the sling, I don't mind. It gives me a chance to listen to audiobooks and think, the exercise is good for me, the woods are beautiful and it's nice to get out of the house. We're a long way from "E sleeps / naps alone in their own bed" but that's okay. They're getting sleep, which is the most important thing, and usually without a lot of drama. And I think we're moving closer to Leo being able to be nap facilitator without me, or me being able to feed them to sleep upstairs and then sit quietly next to them with my laptop. I feel like it's going in a good direction. I'm so glad we started the routine, it really seems to be working!

We took another two day weekend. I'm so glad - I really needed it. The first day was spent feeling entirely floopy and fragile. We defrosted food and avoided the housework, doing the bare minimum and trying to rest as much as possible around E.

I feel like true rest doesn't exist any more. Even if Leo takes E while I rest or nap somewhere else, I know the clock is ticking, that it's taxing Leo, that I might be needed any moment. And when we're all together (which is the second most restful thing available) half my attention is always on the needs and safety of the rambunctious proto-toddler.

I spent Sunday experiencing grief over various things resulting from the pandemic. It hit me hard for a while.

But then on Monday we decided to take a second day off work, and I felt great! I slung E in the morning and did some gardening.

( Gardening things including bean woes )

Yesterday also contained lots of cooking. I baked cake, which turned out well - I'm enjoying getting the hang of baking which meets Leo's dietary needs. And we cooked two batch meals (kedgeree for the fridge and fish pie for the freezer, using the fresh fish from the last grocery order before it went off).

The other big achievement yesterday was a job which we've been talking about for ages, and which we only just got round to. ( Moving the rooms around upstairs )

We've been in lockdown for 7 weeks. We started shielding early, before it was compulsory. The days are all the same routine, pouring through my fingers like sand.

We've both been tired. Childcare, work, housework. We take it in turns to prop the other up. We rarely have the energy to cook. We'll batch cook and then eat the same meal six meals in a row. We've been raiding the freezer which we stocked up in case we got sick. Our veg box is still being delivered, and it's an effort to use the fresh veg before it goes off. I steam a lot of it and give it to E.

E is fine. Thriving. They have five teeth now and are working on a sixth. They are a bonny, curious, wilful darling. We got them some new stacking and building toys - wooden blocks, rings on a peg, stacking cuboids. And we have a whole pile of new second hand baby board books after I bought a few job lots on eBay.

They like holding a toy in each hand and rummaging in a toybox, swapping what they're holding for other toys. They can crawl quite quickly around the house now. We keep having to move the cat litter and bowls out of reach. The stairgates we ordered arrived but we haven't had the time or energy to fit them yet. We've got one for the kitchen, since it doesn't have a door.

They can stand freely now, and walk holding onto furniture, climb on the sofa, but they aren't walking yet. They like pulling leaves off houseplants, pulling soil out of plant pots, pulling books off bookshelves, opening kitchen drawers and throwing things on the floor. We need to reorganize the downstairs, but it's hard to find time for extra jobs when we're not even keeping up with the laundry and dishwasher.

E is also doing this inconvenient thing right now where they're basically self-weaning during the day - preferring water and solid food to breastmilk - and then keeping me up ALL NIGHT breastfeeding twice an hour. I'm exhausted.

I've barely done any work lately. About ten hours a week. The rest is housework and childcare.

But I'm okay! Tired but okay. Taking the pressure off myself with work has freed up energy for everything else. And there are lots of things bringing me joy:

Growing things! A tonne of earth arrived and I moved half of it through to the back yard by hand. I felt strong and happy. I now have six full grow bags of earth ready for plants. I've potted up my courgette, bean and squash seedlings, and they're in the conservatory staying warm in their bigger pots. I planted some more beans, herbs and salad. Next is potting up the brassicas.

Online readthroughs organised by

wildeabandon are very fun - a good way to socialise, and it tickles my thespian/literary fancy. I played Crichton in JM Barrie's The Admirable Crichton, which is a silly satirical play about class inequality. The lead role is a class-loving snobby butler who loves serving, but who ends up becoming the boss of the group when they're shipwrecked and he's the only competent one. I do believe Kryten was somewhat based on him.

We also just started doing Good Omens, two episodes at a time. Episodes one and two were great fun, and I'm doing Crowley in Episode three (history sequence hurray!) against

leonato's Aziraphale. I'm looking forward to all of it!

Good Omens fandom is bringing me joy! I've been writing, and obsessively reading fics and meta. It's wonderful to have something creative and social which is absolutely 100% unequivocally Not Work. I'm loving the no-pressure writing inspiration, the nerdiness, the queerness, everything about it. I've never really got stuck into a fandom like this before and I really like it.

Our hot tub brings me joy, when I get a chance to take E out and have a float. The opportunity doesn't open up as much as I'd like, but when I do it's marvellous. It's empty right now waiting for a scrub and refill.

It's satisfying building my capacity to integrate E care into my life in a harmonious way. The best way to get E to nap has been to sling them and go for a walk, but recently those walks have been 90-120mins long (it takes E 20-50 mins to fall asleep, and then they sleep for 60-90 mins, and then it takes a little time to get home). I don't know how much they weigh, but they're ten months old and h e a v y. Afterwards I'm knackered.

So this week I've had great success with slinging them at home and getting them to sleep here. I put them in a back carry and work outside. The movement and the warmth of the sun lulls them, and it gives me a chance to do garden stuff. I even did some of the digging and earth-moving with them on my back, which felt powerful. Babywearing is getting me fit. Every night I go to bed achy, and every day I'm stronger than I expect.

And this morning E was fussy and sleepy during a Zoom call, and I thought I'd have to make my apologies and get them to sleep, but first I tried slinging them and bouncing on the yoga ball while we talked, and they slept on me so sweetly for an hour. It feels amazing to meet their needs while getting the stuff I want to do done, without having to take a massive chunk out of my day. My dream is to get them to sleep in the sling and then do some painting, but I haven't made it happen yet...

I bought seeds! Organic non-F1 seeds from vitalseeds.co.uk. I made some quick decisions about what to get, as the online shop is only open each morning from 9am until they reach the limit of how many orders they can process. I may have ordered too many seeds. But they were dispatched and are on their way and I am VERY EXCITED.

Thanks so much to

kabarett,

ewt and

juliet for the super useful gardening advice in my last post. It was empowering, and helped me go from a state of feeling intimidated and overwhelmed to feeling ready to give it a go.

Today I slung E in a back carry when they showed signs of readiness for their afternoon nap, and went out into the back yard. The ericaceous compost I ordered had arrived, and I wanted to repot the Sad Camellia. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day, a perfect day to work in the garden.

I did many things! I weeded and tidied all my container plants, topped them up with compost as required, watered them and moved them to the south facing wall. They look much happier now. I've got bay, camellia, three strawberry plants, rosemary, thyme, lavender, a little aromatic bush that was sold as curry leaves but which is not curry leaves, it looks like grey lavender but smells savoury, chives, and a tiny rose bush. A new green and vibrant thyme plant is growing next to the chives, which is good as the old thyme plant is looking pretty dried out.

The camellia got taken out of its pot, shaken until I got all the loose earth I could off the root ball, and put back into the new low pH compost. The root ball was huge, so there wasn't as much space in the pot for ericaceous compost as I'd hoped. I hope what I've done is helpful.

I didn't have any rainwater to water it with, so it got tapwater although I know that's not ideal. I want to set a water butt up. (We actually have a couple which we tried to make a biofilter for our hot tub out of a couple of years ago. The filtration system worked, but it didn't work fast enough to keep up with the hot tub, and the project got abandoned.) So at some point I need to decant a load of gravel and sand out of the biofilter and set the water butt up. Maybe under the gutter runoff? Although that would cover the drain, which might be bad if it overflowed since it's right next to the house.

I've set up three modular seed trays in the conservatory ready for my new seeds when they arrive. I'm excited! ( Garden plans )

Anyway, today I worked in the garden for an hour and a half with E on my back, and they slept for an hour of that! when they were awake they seemed totally chill and happy to look over my shoulder watching what I was doing. Which is frankly fucking amazing. It means I can do gardening WHILE doing childcare. I've been spending 60-90 minutes a day walking so that E can nap, and it's been pleasant walking in the woods listening to audiobooks, but being able to spend some of that time gardening instead is a gamechanger. It means this growing thing fits into my life. It may even be good for E - they seemed to sleep for longer than they normally do. I felt strong and mobile and surprisingly unconstrained by the heavy 9 month old on my back. I'm excited to grow things!

I took E to the Tate Modern!

Leo was out for 24 hours on a date. I'd hung out with local friends the night before (waves at

kaberett and

me_and). I considered rustling up some company on Saturday, but decided to enjoy some time with just the two of us. I'm so glad I did. I really enjoyed it.

We were up early - E has recently started waking at 7.30am rather than 8.30am. (We're trying to move bedtime an hour earlier too, from 9pm to 8pm, with variable success.) It took a few hours to get out of the house, but we were still on the road before noon. I decided to take the long woven wrap, even though it's a faff to take off and on. It's so much comfier than the ring sling for wearing for longer periods, because the ring sling goes over one shoulder and the long wrap distributes the weight symmetrically. I packed a bottle of expressed breast milk so I could feed E a bit without unslinging them.

It was such a nice day! We looked at all the free exhibits. I loved the political photography, although E found it a bit dull as it was all black and white. After we'd gone round the first gallery they were asking for food. I gave them half the contents of the bottle, but wanted to save the rest for later. So when they were still hungry I decided it was time to stop.

Gave them a nappy change before going to the cafe. That was unpopular. E hates the fold down baby changing stations in public loos. They don't like being up high, the hard surface, the bright lights. Normally if it's a private accessible cubicle I just roll out their changing mat on the floor. But in the Tate Modern there was just a fold down baby changing table on the wall of the public bit of the loos, by the door, with people walking past. Brushed chrome walls, bright lights, no privacy. They HATED it, and I don't blame them.

Rushed through the cafe with a still upset baby in a sling, grabbing a water refill and a box of food for me. Then found an armchair and breastfed for a bit. Once they'd calmed down and had enough milk I popped them in a high chair and shared my food box with them. They really enjoyed the cauliflower and had a good chomp on a piece of spinach. I kept the kimchee and chilli aubergine to myself though. Not sure their digestive system is ready for chilli yet!

It was lovely hanging out with them in the cafe, eating with them and chatting to them. And I felt very organised. I'd brought their baby led weaning bib and wipe clean tray with me, which is a really good system where baby and floor are all protected from spills. I had damp clean face cloths in a ziplock and their silicone spoons in another, although I didn't use those in the end. Once they were done eating I gave them another breastfeed to quench their thirst, and cleaned them up.

So far I'd had them slung on my front in a rear facing carry. I'd wondered if they'd nap on the way in, but they hadn't. I'd been planning to do a ruck carry for going around the gallery - which I have now learned, but badly need practice at - but then I realised that wouldn't work with my winter coat, which was too bulky to go under a sling or to fit in my bag.

So I slung them on my front again, facing forward. They giggled throughout, and it came together pleasingly quickly. Then we bopped around looking at more exhibitions. The materials and objects exhibit was super fun, and I was really glad I'd put them facing forward. They had bits of materials hanging on string for touching. Iron and steel and pine and cedarwood and rubber and hemp rope. E gave everything a good feel, and some of it a bit of a chew, and I told them what everything was and let them get a sense of it. I loved sharing it with them!

Towards the end of that gallery I realised I was nattering away to a sleeping baby. The advice is to not let a baby sleep in a forward facing front carry, as it's a suffocation risk with the head hanging forward. I managed to loosen the sling and get them turned around and tucked into a nice snug rear facing front carry without waking them. Felt very proud of myself.

After that I was free to bimble around with a sleeping baby until I got bored. I looked at the rest of the free galleries, and then my feet were starting to hurt and my phone was nearly dead, so I headed home.

As soon as we got outside there was a blast of cold wind and E woke up. So they didn't get as much of a nap as they needed. I tried to get them back to sleep, but it didn't work. They were quiet until we were on the bus, at which point there were Wriggles. So I wiggled their arms out of the sling to let them have a stretch, and then when they kept trying to turn around I turned them back into a forward facing front carry. Standing on the bus swaying with the motion of the vehicle. The tying felt very quick and smooth. I felt like a babywearing pro!

We got home without mishap. I was really pleased with myself. Going out with E in the sling is a lovely way to enjoy their company and my own company. It's parenting, but it's also strangely like solitude. It fills my cup. I enjoyed feeling independent and self-reliant, being able to keep them happy and anticipate their needs, getting some stimulation and enrichment for both of us without it feeling arduous. Taking the sling made the whole thing so smooth and easy. I'm loving my physical strength at the moment. The stronger I get the lighter E feels, and the easier everything is!

I'm now considering taking them on holiday for a long weekend or a week, just the two of us. A European city break. Leo's hip still isn't up to a holiday, but I could have one anyway? Is that a good idea or am I massively underestimating how hard it would be?

Our colds are on the way out. E's symptoms are the last to go, as they were poorliest of the three of us. Poor inexperienced immune system. Oof, that was miserable! It's been an exercise in hanging in there. Technically there were two days of Leo's work time and my childcare time, but they didn't get much work done. We pulled together and got through it.
Just before we got ill I had the best Tai Chi session. We were working on the Shaolin Rou Quan "soft fist" form which involves a lot of ma bu (horse stance). I sweated and worked hard. It felt great and it loosened the hell out of my hamstrings. At the end of the session in our cool down stretches I was more flexible than I've ever been before. For the first time I could touch my toes in seated forward fold. And seated with legs apart, I could touch each toe with the fingers on the opposite hand, also for the first time. Woo! Of course, then we got sick and I missed a class, so I wasn't that flexible when I went tonight. But it's good to know it's possible!
Speaking of Tai Chi, I've discovered the most delightful thing. When I'm practising fan form E loves watching. The sudden loud snap and flash of colour as the fan opens makes them jump, and then they giggle. This gorgeous musical chuckle. Every time I do it! So the form is just wall to wall baby giggling. It's the most adorable, hilarious, joyful thing ever, and if I didn't already love the fan form, I would practice it just for that. :hearteyes:
E's independent sitting is coming along really well! I've been spending a lot of time sitting with them on the play mats with my legs casually on either side, to break their fall if they topple over, and a cushion at the feet end. But a few times I've got up to fetch something or whatever and they've stayed sitting up quite happily, busy with whatever toy they're holding.
They're spending a lot of voluntary time on their front too. They love throwing themself forward (works better on bed than on floor) and patting toys that are in front of them. The jingly ball is good for this as when it rolls away they do lots of thrashing of limbs trying to Do A Locomote. Crawling is not happening yet but they're giving it a damn good try.
We've had a couple of rolls too, mostly assisted by gravity, eg from lying on a pillow on back to on the bed on front. But they've done the back to front roll on the changing mat a couple of times too. They are, in general, Very Wriggly.
Oh yes, that was the other thing I was going to mention: I did a successful forward facing front carry today! This is very satisfying. I've been using the rear facing front carry and a hip carry with the ring sling, but I haven't had a good "looking all around" carry with the woven wrap before. The woven wrap is way more comfy than the ring sling, and much more suitable for extended carries, so this is a level up. I used our long woven wrap and tried a couple of times before I found one that worked for us. E was remarkably patient with the process while I faffed about with the sling. In fact I did the second one (the one that worked) in front of a mirror, and they kept grinning at their reflection and giggling when I jiggled or hupped them, and it just took all the stress out of the process. Once they were slung they were like a happy little starfish hanging out in front of me, smiling whenever I saw their reflection, waving their limbs, reaching grabby hands for whatever I was doing, nomming things if they got too close, and occasionally grabbing my thumbs and trying to steer. It was great. We folded and hung up laundry, and they were super happy until I had to unsling them to go to Tai Chi. I'll try it again on my next childcare day. Next challenge: can I cook with E in a forward facing front tie without hurting them? And after that: Back carries!

Right, things have been altogether too gloomy here. I am feeling miserable and overwhelmed at times but I feel good at times too. There are times when I feel energised, present to my strength and capacity, delighted to be able to not only meet E's needs but take joy in them.

So here are some happy things, in the interest of chronicling the ups as well as the downs:

- Baby sign class is amazing. I love the songs, I don't do very well at remembering to use the signs at home but I remember here and there and I like learning them. Mostly what I get out of it is seeing other people parent, which models how to be with E and boosts my confidence. It's really helped me play and interact with them.

- Baby massage class is also very lovely. I only made it to the second half of the last class - leaving the house with a baby who feeds all the time is HARD - but I really like the touches and intimacy. I've only done it once at home after doing three classes. But I enjoyed it and so did E, and I'd like to do it more. In fact after I wrote my last post and E woke up from their post feed sleep on me, I felt inspired to do some and we had lovely massage times. They really like having their tummy rubbed. Lots of smiles and giggles! Maybe doing more of that would help with their digestion? (We do need to do more tummy time though. Did a bit tonight and they're still really struggling with it, although they're very strong in other ways.)

- E is soooo lovely and smiley and chatty and interactive! Their motor skills are developing: they're hitting the toys on their bouncer, and have figured out that if they kick the pole of their baby gym it makes the whole thing rattle. The other day they were playing with their sensory crinkly duck by picking it up by the wing and throwing it.

- And I've done eBay shopping for some baby books, so we've been reading to E every day and they LOVE it. Total fascination watching my finger following the words and looking at the pictures! I like it.

- We spent a while Saturday a few weeks ago sorting through all the 3-6mo clothes we'd been given, and getting them out of storage. We found a load of cute stuff and I've really enjoyed dressing E in little outfits now the weather's got a bit cooler. It's amazing what a difference it makes between a plain babygro and little jeans and socks and t-shirt and jumper! Plus I bought a bunch of bargain secondhand things on eBay, including adorable Halloween outfits and fluffy monster suits and cute little hoodies with ears and bear dungarees. The baby clothes definitely spark joy.

- Oh AND I finally got round to listing a bunch of clothes I'm selling on eBay, and some of it looks like it's going to go for a good price! So that's satisfying. Lmk if you like corsets and hippy clothes and latex and I can post links for anyone interested.

- We saw our sling consultant today and learned some new carries for a grown up Action Baby who can hold their head up and wants to look around. They aren't big enough for arms out or forward facing yet, but I learned some hip carries and side on carries which give them more of a view. I also had a go at a back carry which was a bit terrifying and made E squeak a LOT. It's gonna take practice! We're going to buy a ring sling and a woven sling. I used the hip carry today and E was happy awake in it until they fell asleep, and I got an hour bouncing on the ball to do computer stuff, which was really welcome.

- we seem to have mostly got on top of the flea infestation. Niamh is looking better and is being more social again, and I've not been bitten for a while. Still find the odd bastard one, but they're on the way out.

- The other week I wrote a short story on my phone while breastfeeding. That felt really great. I've been toying with the idea of writing another one, but feeling a bit too tired and wrung out.

- I've been working on the non fiction book every day around childcare. It's frustratingly bitty (7 mins here, 15 mins there) but I'm making steady progress. I've very nearly met my 75k Get Your Words Out pledge goal for the year, and it's only October! I wish I had more time to work on it. I'm happy to have as much time as I have. If I wasn't trying to prioritise writing everything would be easier, but it's way way better to have things be hard than it would be to sacrifice my professional ambition and creative goals and feel resentful about it. So, hurrah for writing, and it's lovely to have this wordcount milestone as a sign of how much I've managed to get done despite everything.

- We've had a couple of good outings out of the house! We went to the trans, non binary and intersex pride picnic, which was really lovely. I enjoyed introducing E to lots of friends. And there was another queer family there - two out of three nonbinary parents, and two kids raised as theybies. One of the parents is a friend of mine from when I lived in Rye, and they're a professional nanny, so we're talking about working with them a day or two a week to give us some additional support. I feel like we really need it.

- We also visited our friend Emily who cut our hair around looking after E. It was lovely to see her, and she was very decent about us being awfully late and taking longer than usual because of feeding and stuff. My hair is now trim again with short fuzz at the back the way I like it, and no longer straggly and ridiculous. Hurray for neat hair. Now I just need to find time to shower so I can show it off to good effect. Or... maybe buy some dry shampoo.

- We have wonderful friends coming to visit us. And a full day of babysitting booked in with one friend on Thursday, so Leo can do a full day's work and I can hopefully get some writing done between breastfeeding. We have lovely parents eager to spend time with us who want to help. We have the support of our community.

- And we've booked our cleaner for an extra visit each week to help keep on top of the laundry and dishwasher. We are getting help. It will get easier eventually, and hopefully sooner than that. Meanwhile, there are things we can do. And we're a good team.

E is three months old today! They are officially a Person. We survived the fourth trimester!

It's been hard and tiring and we've not got much else done, but honestly, it's not been as bad as I feared. The puking and congestion have been troublesome, and we could really have done without the triple whammy of Leo's hip flare-up, broken washing machine and flea infestation. Housework has felt like the most demanding and tiresome aspect of the last three months. But looking after E has been delightful.

My sleep has been broken but adequate. We've left the house a few times, we've both got a bit of other stuff done, and we've had lovely visits from friends and family. Breastfeeding is nonstop and I get very sick of it sometimes, but I'm also grateful for how easy it's been. I do like being able to soothe and nourish them so smoothly. But it'll feel so good to make progress with bottle feeding so I can have a bit more freedom!

We've had three milestones in the last few days, which feels appropriate to celebrate E officially not being a newborn any more:

- Last night I did my first full Tai Chi class since the birth! Well, since before the birth really, as I had to tap out a few times during class in the weeks up to the birth. Leo had E in a sling for most of the class, and they were absolutely fascinated by watching us do Tai Chi. Three of us are studying fan form at the moment so lots of dramatic snaps and red flashes to look at. It was adorable watching their face! Leo said that if they were in the doorway watching the class they were totally calm, and as soon as Leo tried to move into the back room they complained. So standing in the doorway it was. And I got to do a whole hour of uninterrupted Tai Chi, and I'm learning a weapons form again for the first time since I left Mei Quan, and it feels gooooood.

- Also last night, we had E's longest uninterrupted sleep yet! They slept from midnight (they are a night owl - we always start trying to settle them at 9/10pm but they're often awake and chatty until midnight) until 6am! I woke twice during that time in anticipation of E waking, but being able to go straight back to sleep is so different from having to do a change and a feed.

Then they went back to sleep for another three hours.The last hour of the night was a bit wriggly and fitful, but I still got 8 hours of solid sleep and maybe 9 hours total. So that was amazing. Hopefully it wasn't a total one off and we'll get a few more long stretches before the 4 month sleep regression kicks in.

- I slung E in a forward facing carry this morning! They are increasingly becoming Action Baby, who is too wriggly and curious about All The Things Around Them to be held, but still wants contact and cuddles, which can get quite demanding. They certainly don't like being pressed nose to chest in a rear facing carry if they're awake. The advice says don't do forward facing until they're 6months, but I know people who've done it sooner, and their neck strength has really come on lately so I thought I'd give it a try. It was brilliant!

They got to watch me folding laundry, which is apparently great baby sensory play - lots of bright colours and different textures. They were quite happy waving their arms and legs around like a little starfish until they squeaked to be taken out because they needed a wee. A success! Not suitable for bending down tasks like the dishwasher, and they get in the way of doing washing up, but useful for general pottering about.

I feel like we should celebrate, but I have no idea how two busy people with a three month old do such a thing. We can't easily eat out and I don't really have time to bake a cake. Ideas on a postcard!

Leo was out for six hours to do something at the workshop today. I had a wonderful time with E. They are getting so interactive! Big smiles, lots of vocalisations and very rewarding to hang out with. We've been playing mirroring games, sticking out our tongues at each other and echoing the sounds they make. One of their words is "Aaoo", which sounds like they're trying to say "Boo", so I spent a while today saying "Boo" to them with them saying "Aaoo"!

Boo is my parent name. We wanted some gender neutral options and came up with our own. Boo is short for Boob Parent, with a nod to one of my favourite characters in Orange is the New Black. Leo is Zaza.

I actually achieved quite a lot today that wasn't E care. We got into a good rhythm: some time in the bouncer, cuddles, nappy check and potty, boob, burping, bouncing on the ball, sleepy, and then I'd sling them and have an hour to get something else done. So between the bouncer time and the sling time, I had quite a few opportunities to Do Things with Both Hands. I'm so grateful that the uber-responsive parenting we've been doing for two months has paid off, and E is now happy to be put in the bouncer for half an hour a couple of times a day. For the first few weeks we couldn't put them down for a moment without wailing, but they're obviously feeling more secure.

So today I managed to hang laundry, tidy up a bit, eat breakfast, package things to send to people, do an hour's computer work, do the washing up, eat lunch, and then I slung E and walked to the post office with the packages, about 20 mins each way. It was really good to get some fresh air and exercise, and E was admired by passers by (including an adorable 12 year old boy who said "Your baby's really cute!" Yes, thank you, I think so too!)

Once Leo was home I got a bit of work done on my current chapter - I have an unbroken writing streak so far this month - and then we went to Tai Chi.

Because going to class last week was such a disaster, with E at home screaming, hungry and refusing to bottle feed, I was cautious about going last night. I fed E up to the last minute, and Leo slung them as soon as I left; they'll usually sleep for an hour or so in the sling. That lasted about an hour, but then they got hungry and were wailing for the last half hour until I got home. No fun.

So I sent a message to my teacher asking if Leo and E could come to class with me, and hang out in the little lounge room at the back. That way, Leo could dandle E and try to bottle feed, but if it didn't work I'd be at hand. I was happy when my teacher agreed to the plan, and nervous about how well it would work.

Tonight we gave it a try. E was very calm for the first half of the class -and even drank 20ml of milk from the bottle! But then they stopped wanting bottle and we're still hungry, so I ducked back and fed them. Even then, they were pretty fretful, and there was lots of jiggling and soothing to try and settle them enough to feed. I missed the rest of the class, and they've been cluster feeding since then.

So I got to do half an hour of Tai Chi, which is way better than none. And E drank 20ml of milk, also way better than none. So I'm optimistic. I don't know how often Leo will be up for coming to class with me, but any Tai Chi is better than nothing. I'm about to start learning fan form, and very excited. Meanwhile, I'm feeling inspired to spend ten minutes a day doing some qi gong at home (rather than, say, housework) and try and have a personal practice even when not going to class.

E is only 9 weeks old. If I just have to miss class for a while so I can breastfeed, so be it. But even though my expectations are low, I still have aspirations, and I'm determined to enjoy life as much as possible with a baby rather than assuming things aren't possible. I'm really pleased they took some milk from the bottle, and we're going to keep trying. Baby steps!

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gajumaru

January 2025

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gajumaru

Entries tagged with babywearing

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Lockdown week 7

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Three milestones

Bottle feeding and Tai Chi - baby steps