Sleep routines
Jul. 5th, 2020 05:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
halojedhaWe've finally found a sleep routine that works. E's sleep has always been difficult - they tend to get hyperactive when they're tired, and they're very bad at napping. We've never been able to achieve lying-down-on-their-own naps, they've only ever slept in full body contact, either in my lap after a feed or in the sling.
A few months ago I listened to The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. I love the gentle parenting philosophy, and it was reassuring to hear someone back me up on how cry-it-out or controlled crying sleep training is a really terrible idea if you want ato raise a securely attached, emotionally regulated human. But it didn't have much to say about naps. It was also incredibly repetitive - the sort of thing which is skippable when you're reading but unbearable when you're listening.
Still, I got a few useful things from it. Namely:
E needs around 11-12 hours sleep in 24. They usually get 10-11 hours at night - they're a great nighttime sleeper. Usually asleep 9-9.30pm and awake 7-7.30am, sometimes sleep in til 8am. (I know, what a blessing!) They feed 3-6 times during the night, usually more from 5am onwards. A couple of times we've had two long stretches of 3-5 hour sleep back to back with just one feed in between, which has been amazing!
Bedsharing helps them sleep longer, they seem reassured by my scent and warmth and perhaps sometimes they're waking and going straight back to sleep because I'm right there. It also makes night feeds almost effortless - I can literally do it in my sleep, or wake up for 1 min to get them latched on and then I fall asleep again while they're feeding.
After a few months of trial and error we've refined our bedtime routine. Here's what works:
We don't do a bath every night, but when we do it's really helpful. I've learned that humans need to be cool to sleep, and baths are helpful because they raise our core temperature and then we cool down and the cool feeling makes us sleepy. So one thing that's really helped is not over-dressing E at night. They need fewer clothes than me to be comfy at night, and are often warm enough with just a t-shirt and nappy.
We've bought some extra padded night-time nappies with pop-in layers, which can cope for 12 hours of weeing without leaking. So we no longer need to do middle of the night nappy changes (although Leo got adept at doing them while E was lying down feeding or even sleeping without disturbing them).
Once we've even had a dry night nappy followed by a big wee in the potty, but that's only happened once!
The routine works really well. It's been easier getting E to sleep and they seem to stay asleep longer since we got it figured out. The rain noise in particular is total magic - it works on me too, I fell asleep at 9pm last night!
A couple of times we've tried the night routine upstairs for a bedroom nap during the day. It usually just results in a long dozey feed rather than actual sleep, but I intend to keep trying!
What has happened a couple of times lately is E falling asleep on me in a way that I can still get things done. They're great at sleeping in a back carry, which is perfect for doing quiet housework or gardening. They fell asleep being breastfed during a zoom call last week, and then slept soundly in my lap for 90 minutes while I sat on the floor with both hands free to type on my laptop! That was great. And once or twice I've been able to get them to sleep moving around in the sling, and then sit down at the table and use the laptop while they finish their snooze. And once, Leo has been able to get them to nap upstairs with them, without a breastfeed - although it took two hours and a lot of crying. But then they stayed asleep for 90 minutes and I had over three hours to myself! Magic!
So although the majority of naps are quite physically taxing involve long walks in the woods with the sling, I don't mind. It gives me a chance to listen to audiobooks and think, the exercise is good for me, the woods are beautiful and it's nice to get out of the house. We're a long way from "E sleeps / naps alone in their own bed" but that's okay. They're getting sleep, which is the most important thing, and usually without a lot of drama. And I think we're moving closer to Leo being able to be nap facilitator without me, or me being able to feed them to sleep upstairs and then sit quietly next to them with my laptop. I feel like it's going in a good direction. I'm so glad we started the routine, it really seems to be working!
A few months ago I listened to The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. I love the gentle parenting philosophy, and it was reassuring to hear someone back me up on how cry-it-out or controlled crying sleep training is a really terrible idea if you want ato raise a securely attached, emotionally regulated human. But it didn't have much to say about naps. It was also incredibly repetitive - the sort of thing which is skippable when you're reading but unbearable when you're listening.
Still, I got a few useful things from it. Namely:
- However many hours of sleep you've heard your child "should" have, ignore it: every kid is different and they need what they need. If they seem cheery and energetic and well rested they're probably fine.
- If bedtime is a struggle try moving it later. Most kids get sleepy later than we think.
- Routines are everything. Develop a routine, adapt it and stick to it. It's okay to be baby-led in terms of what time the routine starts, following tiredness cues, but whenever you start it, do the same things in the same order each time.
- Don't be tempted to push bedtime back for your own convenience, like because you want to stay up late or want a lie in the next morning. Follow your child's circadian rhythms consistently.
- Waking up frequently for night feeds is normal and nothing to worry about as long as breastfeeding is happening. And beyond that, totally normal for older toddlers to want comfort and cuddles when they wake at night.
- Do what works for your child. If they need to be held to sleep, sling them. Trying to fight them over it is unlikely to be successful.
E needs around 11-12 hours sleep in 24. They usually get 10-11 hours at night - they're a great nighttime sleeper. Usually asleep 9-9.30pm and awake 7-7.30am, sometimes sleep in til 8am. (I know, what a blessing!) They feed 3-6 times during the night, usually more from 5am onwards. A couple of times we've had two long stretches of 3-5 hour sleep back to back with just one feed in between, which has been amazing!
Bedsharing helps them sleep longer, they seem reassured by my scent and warmth and perhaps sometimes they're waking and going straight back to sleep because I'm right there. It also makes night feeds almost effortless - I can literally do it in my sleep, or wake up for 1 min to get them latched on and then I fall asleep again while they're feeding.
After a few months of trial and error we've refined our bedtime routine. Here's what works:
- Bedtime at 8.30pm or thereabouts. Dinner at 7pm, brush teeth, read books quietly downstairs until we see sleep cues.
- Carry them upstairs singing a short "It's time for bed" song.
- Sit them on the potty and put them in their nighttime nappy and pyjamas. Offer their water cup.
- Close the curtains.
- I get into pyjamas and take my meds, then sit up with pillows and offer a breastfeed. I've discovered that starting the feed sitting up is better than lying down, as they're usually wriggly to begin with and cradling them allows me to soothe them more effectively. When we're lying down and they start wriggling they just end up on all fours and it's no good for the latch, or they roll over.
- If they're too wriggly and want to play, read books quietly, or stand at the window and let them watch the street (they LOVE this and can do it for literally hours, especially if it's raining, or there are dogs) or Leo sometimes gives them a soothing light show with their lev wand.
- Once they're calm, back on the boob.
- While they're breastfeeding sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. We learned four additional verses to help them settle.
- Also while breastfeeding, play Tropical Rain Noise on the minirig from the myNoise app
- If we remember, put lavender oil on the oil burner (we haven't got good at being consistent with this yet).
- When they're feeding sleepily and have stopped wriggling, carefully lie down with them without breaking latch and let them fall asleep on the boob beside me.
- Leave the rain noise playing all night until we get up in the morning, which helps them get back to sleep when they wake up in the night.
We don't do a bath every night, but when we do it's really helpful. I've learned that humans need to be cool to sleep, and baths are helpful because they raise our core temperature and then we cool down and the cool feeling makes us sleepy. So one thing that's really helped is not over-dressing E at night. They need fewer clothes than me to be comfy at night, and are often warm enough with just a t-shirt and nappy.
We've bought some extra padded night-time nappies with pop-in layers, which can cope for 12 hours of weeing without leaking. So we no longer need to do middle of the night nappy changes (although Leo got adept at doing them while E was lying down feeding or even sleeping without disturbing them).
Once we've even had a dry night nappy followed by a big wee in the potty, but that's only happened once!
The routine works really well. It's been easier getting E to sleep and they seem to stay asleep longer since we got it figured out. The rain noise in particular is total magic - it works on me too, I fell asleep at 9pm last night!
A couple of times we've tried the night routine upstairs for a bedroom nap during the day. It usually just results in a long dozey feed rather than actual sleep, but I intend to keep trying!
What has happened a couple of times lately is E falling asleep on me in a way that I can still get things done. They're great at sleeping in a back carry, which is perfect for doing quiet housework or gardening. They fell asleep being breastfed during a zoom call last week, and then slept soundly in my lap for 90 minutes while I sat on the floor with both hands free to type on my laptop! That was great. And once or twice I've been able to get them to sleep moving around in the sling, and then sit down at the table and use the laptop while they finish their snooze. And once, Leo has been able to get them to nap upstairs with them, without a breastfeed - although it took two hours and a lot of crying. But then they stayed asleep for 90 minutes and I had over three hours to myself! Magic!
So although the majority of naps are quite physically taxing involve long walks in the woods with the sling, I don't mind. It gives me a chance to listen to audiobooks and think, the exercise is good for me, the woods are beautiful and it's nice to get out of the house. We're a long way from "E sleeps / naps alone in their own bed" but that's okay. They're getting sleep, which is the most important thing, and usually without a lot of drama. And I think we're moving closer to Leo being able to be nap facilitator without me, or me being able to feed them to sleep upstairs and then sit quietly next to them with my laptop. I feel like it's going in a good direction. I'm so glad we started the routine, it really seems to be working!
Sleep
Date: 2020-07-05 07:58 pm (UTC)Babies are all so different!
This entry takes me back to our many and various trial and error finding routines... We ended up with a menu of various methods, which for naps included running the vacuum cleaner (M had to be there obviously), breastfeeding until asleep and then v e r y gently putting them down so we could get on with things... And even going out for a drive if we got desperate, as that seemed to work! And singing, always lots of singing 🎼🧐🎶
no subject
Date: 2020-07-07 12:23 pm (UTC)Btw, be prepared for finding that it might have to shift around a bit over time. (For ages L fed to sleep; and then he didn't but doop could put him in the sling and go into the bathroom (the only actually dark room in our house, because if it wasn't Actually Dark L would keep on looking around!) and go round in very tiny circles singing to him for ages; and then that stopped working and it was back to feeding to sleep. But having something to build off and being ready to be flexible as things change is a really good place to be.
I used to have to feed L sitting up, too, and holding him quite firmly to get him to stay still!
no subject
Date: 2020-07-10 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-11 11:57 am (UTC)