Meditation
Feb. 19th, 2020 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
halojedhaI just did my second 30 minute meditation session this week. It's been my first morning meditation since E was born, pretty much. All I'd managed until now was a a couple of half hours late at night after they were asleep in the cot, sitting up on the bed leaning against the head rest, and my nightly getting-to-sleep anapana practice, which invariably doesn't last very long because I fall asleep.
As expected, Monday's sit was a revealing display of a disorganised mind. I didn't even try to do any Vipassana, just attempted anapana for 30 minutes. My mind was very busy. I think I managed to pay attention to like, three or four breaths in a row a few times, but that was all. The time went quickly. I thought I had more time to get a grip on my concentration, and then the timer went off. 30 minutes really isn't very long.
At least my body wasn't complaining too much. When I first started meditating a few years ago, postural discomforts dominated my awareness. I guess the martial arts and parenting have improved my core and back strength. Good - and also unsurprising; that was why the monks developed kung fu in the first place, wasn't it?
This morning I had more success with anapana. Still a fair few thoughts, but I managed to return my attention to my breath each time. After a little while I decided to have a crack at Vipassana. It's funny - if my concentration is too disorganised I can't do Vipassana at all, because I just forget what I'm meant to be doing and lose my place. But once I have that baseline level of concentration, I actually find Vipassana easier to concentrate on than anapana, because I find it more interesting.
This time I went back to my beginner's Vipassana practice and took it painstakingly slowly. Giving myself up to a minute to tune into each area, and only moving on to the next once I could feel the subtle sensations there. The good thing is that I didn't encounter any "dead" areas: once I tuned in, I could feel sensation in all the parts of my body I swept. And I didn't get distracted. But the timer went off before I'd even finished sweeping my torso.
We have friend D doing some bonus childminding tomorrow as well, since it's half term and they have a rare free day. (D did quite a lot of babysitting for us last year, but is now booked up most weeks.) So we'll have a chance to sit together again. I'm trying to make it a regular practice at the start of my work days, and Leo is joining me, which is really good for me. We have the mats and cushions set up in my bedroom, which is an unused room most of the time. It's nice and peaceful in there.
If I didn't have a baby, I'd be feeling ready to go back and do another ten day course at Dhamma Dipa. As it is, I'm going to have to try and build a personal practice at home, with the possible goal of a 3 day course once I can leave E with Leo for a long weekend.
This partly depends on them being old enough to handle three nights of no breastfeeding, and partly depends on Leo's hip being recovered enough to do the childcare - however long that will take. They still can't carry or sling E. They've got surprisingly good at doing day time childcare by bringing everything they'll need around the sofas downstairs, but we're a long way from being able to leave E and Leo alone overnight.
In the meantime, morning meditation is wonderful. Writing about it here as a promise to myself to keep it up.
As expected, Monday's sit was a revealing display of a disorganised mind. I didn't even try to do any Vipassana, just attempted anapana for 30 minutes. My mind was very busy. I think I managed to pay attention to like, three or four breaths in a row a few times, but that was all. The time went quickly. I thought I had more time to get a grip on my concentration, and then the timer went off. 30 minutes really isn't very long.
At least my body wasn't complaining too much. When I first started meditating a few years ago, postural discomforts dominated my awareness. I guess the martial arts and parenting have improved my core and back strength. Good - and also unsurprising; that was why the monks developed kung fu in the first place, wasn't it?
This morning I had more success with anapana. Still a fair few thoughts, but I managed to return my attention to my breath each time. After a little while I decided to have a crack at Vipassana. It's funny - if my concentration is too disorganised I can't do Vipassana at all, because I just forget what I'm meant to be doing and lose my place. But once I have that baseline level of concentration, I actually find Vipassana easier to concentrate on than anapana, because I find it more interesting.
This time I went back to my beginner's Vipassana practice and took it painstakingly slowly. Giving myself up to a minute to tune into each area, and only moving on to the next once I could feel the subtle sensations there. The good thing is that I didn't encounter any "dead" areas: once I tuned in, I could feel sensation in all the parts of my body I swept. And I didn't get distracted. But the timer went off before I'd even finished sweeping my torso.
We have friend D doing some bonus childminding tomorrow as well, since it's half term and they have a rare free day. (D did quite a lot of babysitting for us last year, but is now booked up most weeks.) So we'll have a chance to sit together again. I'm trying to make it a regular practice at the start of my work days, and Leo is joining me, which is really good for me. We have the mats and cushions set up in my bedroom, which is an unused room most of the time. It's nice and peaceful in there.
If I didn't have a baby, I'd be feeling ready to go back and do another ten day course at Dhamma Dipa. As it is, I'm going to have to try and build a personal practice at home, with the possible goal of a 3 day course once I can leave E with Leo for a long weekend.
This partly depends on them being old enough to handle three nights of no breastfeeding, and partly depends on Leo's hip being recovered enough to do the childcare - however long that will take. They still can't carry or sling E. They've got surprisingly good at doing day time childcare by bringing everything they'll need around the sofas downstairs, but we're a long way from being able to leave E and Leo alone overnight.
In the meantime, morning meditation is wonderful. Writing about it here as a promise to myself to keep it up.
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Date: 2020-02-19 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-20 09:11 pm (UTC)