![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
halojedhaWhoa, where did 3 weeks go? Looking after E continues to be a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Overall I’m okay, but reflecting on what's going on it's… a lot.
I don’t want to get bogged down in all the details, but suffice it to say that looking after E’s health is taking up a lot of energy and attention.
Okay. So three weeks ago I started to get sore nipples, particularly on the right. I called the NCT helpline, went to the local midwife-led feeding clinic, asked friends for help, read a bunch of articles and watched YouTube videos. No amount of learning and trying improved the latch. E can only latch onto the nipple itself, and can’t get the whole areola into their mouth like they need to. So I’m sore.
The midwife at the clinic noticed that E was very congested, and thought that this was stopping them from latching on properly, because when they try, they can’t breathe. Also, she picked up on the fact they have a tongue tie. We were told this at their newborn check, but their latch seemed good (or so I thought) so we didn’t see the need to do anything about it. Anyway, when I told the midwife about the vomiting too and Leo’s food allergies, she was super concerned and said, get thee to the GP.
We already had a private paediatrician appointment that week, which we booked after the GP had basically said “they’ll grow out of it” the last two times we tried to interest them in the vomiting and congestion. Which… was going to be expensive. But, armed by the midwife telling me to be firm, I got a same-day appointment at the GP and tried one more time to get a referral through the NHS. Leo came with me.
We told the doctor all about it and asked for a paediatrician referral to investigate food allergies. The doctor prevaricated. I got anxious she wasn't going to refer us. I did a cry. It was a low point.
To cut to the end, we came away with a referral, medication for me and E for thrush “just in case”, and a new anti sickness medication since the Gaviscon wasn't doing the trick, on the basis that the sickness is reflux (which is what they thought last time, but none of the advice seemed to be helping much).
Turns out, the new antacid Ranitidine is the business. We have to give it to E three times a day, but if we actually manage it and if we time it right it stops them from being sick. Which is…. totally transformative. So maybe the sickness is reflux after all, and the Gaviscon was just weak sauce? We cancelled the private pediatrician appointment and started to feel a bit abashed about going in hard asking for a referral. Things seemed better!
We tried the thrush medication, but it made E scream and scream, and the clotrimazole was a total faff to wash off my nipples before feeding. I went back and asked for a swab, and in the meantime my nipples felt a bit better so we decided not to put E through the ordeal of treating for thrush unless we got a positive result back.
But I still couldn't get them to latch on properly, and they were still doing fussy feeding. So we started to think it might be time to get the tongue tie cut after all. Went back to the breastfeeding clinic and got a referral, but we have to wait five weeks.
Meanwhile I had some good days, went to the local breastfeeding cafe and met some nice people, but didn't get any new advice.
Leo’s hip is still really bad and they’re now trying to go back to fulltime work from home, so it’s a struggle to stay on top of the childcare and housework. We’ve booked the cleaner for an extra visit a fortnight, and arranged for one day of childcare a week from a babysitter or nanny, to give us a hand with it.
As soon as we started getting the childcare, and I was trying to write between feeds, it became obvious how much I was feeding. I’ve not been tracking the feeds, but I’ve been tracking work time, and with paying for childcare for 8 hours, I’m breastfeeding for over half of it. A few times lately E has been on the boob for 2 hours at a stretch. Today I woke up ten and a half hours ago and have been either feeding, changing nappies, or cleaning up puke for all but 90 minutes of it. Mostly feeding.
I hadn’t realised until talking to friends about it that long feeding times, especially at this age (nearly 4 months) were a symptom of tongue tie and might well be radically altered if we get it cut. So it’s starting to seem like paying to get it cut sooner might well be worth it financially, if it frees up more of my time, especially on childcare days. We’ve made contact with a local midwife and she could come and do it tomorrow morning...
...except in the meantime my sore nipple is really sore and inflamed. And has a pink raised shiny rash around it. Which is thrush, right?
So. We’re treating E’s mouth and my nipples for thrush. We’ve got a new gel from the pharmacy which doesn’t need to be washed off my nipples before feeds, which makes that quicker. Which means E is getting three doses of Ranitidine (0.5mg of nasty sticky aniseed stuff from a syringe directly before a feed to take the taste away) a day, and four doses of Miconazole a day (1.5mg applied topically to the mouth with a finger, ideally not just before a feed). Which is… a lot of medication to juggle! But that’s OK, right? And we can get the tongue tie cut soon and that might make E twice or three times as efficient at getting milk and suddenly the days will have a lot more space in them, and that will make it easier?
Except we can’t get the tongue tie cut while E might have thrush. So we have to wait a few days for the rash to go away before booking the procedure. And in six days (next Friday) E has the final booster of their vaccinations, which means nasty jabs and a fever for two days and calpol (more nasty sticky syringe stuff) and the tongue tie wound will need massage and stuff afterwards and I don’t know how well the medications will work with the wound and…
I feel overwhelmed. It’s like... every day I’m stuck on the sofa trying to feed a fussy baby on sore nipples, and they’re refusing the bottle still so that’s not an option, and I really need some time to myself for my mental health but it’s not an option, and this tongue tie surgery may not even reduce the feed times, I just really hope it does, and even if it does I don’t know if we can even have it for a week and a half so I have to keep on breastfeeding all hours of the day and… it feels like too much.
Like I say, generally I’m fine. There are lovely moments and good days and friends, and sometimes I cook a nice meal or have some time to write or some time with Leo and feel wonderful. I’m glad we have the money to get some support, even if it does mean spending my savings. In many ways, I feel resilient. But right now, today, in this moment, I feel overwhelmed by the health stuff. It’s a lot to juggle.
I don’t want to get bogged down in all the details, but suffice it to say that looking after E’s health is taking up a lot of energy and attention.
Okay. So three weeks ago I started to get sore nipples, particularly on the right. I called the NCT helpline, went to the local midwife-led feeding clinic, asked friends for help, read a bunch of articles and watched YouTube videos. No amount of learning and trying improved the latch. E can only latch onto the nipple itself, and can’t get the whole areola into their mouth like they need to. So I’m sore.
The midwife at the clinic noticed that E was very congested, and thought that this was stopping them from latching on properly, because when they try, they can’t breathe. Also, she picked up on the fact they have a tongue tie. We were told this at their newborn check, but their latch seemed good (or so I thought) so we didn’t see the need to do anything about it. Anyway, when I told the midwife about the vomiting too and Leo’s food allergies, she was super concerned and said, get thee to the GP.
We already had a private paediatrician appointment that week, which we booked after the GP had basically said “they’ll grow out of it” the last two times we tried to interest them in the vomiting and congestion. Which… was going to be expensive. But, armed by the midwife telling me to be firm, I got a same-day appointment at the GP and tried one more time to get a referral through the NHS. Leo came with me.
We told the doctor all about it and asked for a paediatrician referral to investigate food allergies. The doctor prevaricated. I got anxious she wasn't going to refer us. I did a cry. It was a low point.
To cut to the end, we came away with a referral, medication for me and E for thrush “just in case”, and a new anti sickness medication since the Gaviscon wasn't doing the trick, on the basis that the sickness is reflux (which is what they thought last time, but none of the advice seemed to be helping much).
Turns out, the new antacid Ranitidine is the business. We have to give it to E three times a day, but if we actually manage it and if we time it right it stops them from being sick. Which is…. totally transformative. So maybe the sickness is reflux after all, and the Gaviscon was just weak sauce? We cancelled the private pediatrician appointment and started to feel a bit abashed about going in hard asking for a referral. Things seemed better!
We tried the thrush medication, but it made E scream and scream, and the clotrimazole was a total faff to wash off my nipples before feeding. I went back and asked for a swab, and in the meantime my nipples felt a bit better so we decided not to put E through the ordeal of treating for thrush unless we got a positive result back.
But I still couldn't get them to latch on properly, and they were still doing fussy feeding. So we started to think it might be time to get the tongue tie cut after all. Went back to the breastfeeding clinic and got a referral, but we have to wait five weeks.
Meanwhile I had some good days, went to the local breastfeeding cafe and met some nice people, but didn't get any new advice.
Leo’s hip is still really bad and they’re now trying to go back to fulltime work from home, so it’s a struggle to stay on top of the childcare and housework. We’ve booked the cleaner for an extra visit a fortnight, and arranged for one day of childcare a week from a babysitter or nanny, to give us a hand with it.
As soon as we started getting the childcare, and I was trying to write between feeds, it became obvious how much I was feeding. I’ve not been tracking the feeds, but I’ve been tracking work time, and with paying for childcare for 8 hours, I’m breastfeeding for over half of it. A few times lately E has been on the boob for 2 hours at a stretch. Today I woke up ten and a half hours ago and have been either feeding, changing nappies, or cleaning up puke for all but 90 minutes of it. Mostly feeding.
I hadn’t realised until talking to friends about it that long feeding times, especially at this age (nearly 4 months) were a symptom of tongue tie and might well be radically altered if we get it cut. So it’s starting to seem like paying to get it cut sooner might well be worth it financially, if it frees up more of my time, especially on childcare days. We’ve made contact with a local midwife and she could come and do it tomorrow morning...
...except in the meantime my sore nipple is really sore and inflamed. And has a pink raised shiny rash around it. Which is thrush, right?
So. We’re treating E’s mouth and my nipples for thrush. We’ve got a new gel from the pharmacy which doesn’t need to be washed off my nipples before feeds, which makes that quicker. Which means E is getting three doses of Ranitidine (0.5mg of nasty sticky aniseed stuff from a syringe directly before a feed to take the taste away) a day, and four doses of Miconazole a day (1.5mg applied topically to the mouth with a finger, ideally not just before a feed). Which is… a lot of medication to juggle! But that’s OK, right? And we can get the tongue tie cut soon and that might make E twice or three times as efficient at getting milk and suddenly the days will have a lot more space in them, and that will make it easier?
Except we can’t get the tongue tie cut while E might have thrush. So we have to wait a few days for the rash to go away before booking the procedure. And in six days (next Friday) E has the final booster of their vaccinations, which means nasty jabs and a fever for two days and calpol (more nasty sticky syringe stuff) and the tongue tie wound will need massage and stuff afterwards and I don’t know how well the medications will work with the wound and…
I feel overwhelmed. It’s like... every day I’m stuck on the sofa trying to feed a fussy baby on sore nipples, and they’re refusing the bottle still so that’s not an option, and I really need some time to myself for my mental health but it’s not an option, and this tongue tie surgery may not even reduce the feed times, I just really hope it does, and even if it does I don’t know if we can even have it for a week and a half so I have to keep on breastfeeding all hours of the day and… it feels like too much.
Like I say, generally I’m fine. There are lovely moments and good days and friends, and sometimes I cook a nice meal or have some time to write or some time with Leo and feel wonderful. I’m glad we have the money to get some support, even if it does mean spending my savings. In many ways, I feel resilient. But right now, today, in this moment, I feel overwhelmed by the health stuff. It’s a lot to juggle.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-26 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-26 07:15 pm (UTC)Meanwhile I just have to hang in there this week... I'm in the home stretch with my draft so feel a real hunger to work on it whenever I can, but maybe I need to give up the idea of work for this next bit and get what rest I can between feeds.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-27 09:31 am (UTC)I guess re book it’s the balance between “working on this is good for my brain” and “actually resting is good for my brain/body” - which is always hard going to manage?
no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 07:10 pm (UTC)Thank you very much for this suggestion: it's what we did and I'm really glad of it. We got the TT snipped last Weds and deferred the vax booster a week, so that's now this Friday. That hadn't occurred to me. Good shout!
the balance between “working on this is good for my brain” and “actually resting is good for my brain/body
You called it! I have actually been taking time off from writing since the TT procedure since this post to focus on childcare. But that's not really self care - childcare is tiring - it's that Leo is working on sorting out my backups atm and I'm trading them childcare for doing the work. I like writing, but I also like not losing data!
no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 10:49 pm (UTC)And no, childcare is emphatically not self care, however delightful one's offspring is ;) (though can occasionally be doubled up with things which are a bit like self care, like going out to the woods) but backups are good! Hope you get some writing time soon, and also some rest.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-26 09:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 07:14 pm (UTC)I think things are getting easier. The shorter feed times help, and so does the reduced medication burden! And we have Oddparents visiting this week, so we're feeling well supported.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-27 09:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-04 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-27 10:07 am (UTC)Now is the time to spend your savings to keep afloat.
I hope cutting the tongue tie helps when it's possible to do and hopefully that will help with latch and in turn Nipple pain and injury.
I wouldn't give up on allergy testing just because you've got an anti emetic, but it's less urgent I guess.
I gave up all hope and intention of doing anything except look after Kitty at this stage, and am only just returning to trying, so I'm impressed with your persistence. I think it's important to accept the limitations of life with a tiny baby though so you don't end up banging your head against a brick wall. It seems I like forever now but you will look back on it as a very brief and fleeting time. I'd try and sleep when they sleep and get rest when you can, and only attempt work or creative projects when you both feel like it and have time. Remember this is just a phase and it will pass.
I tried to tile a bathroom with tiny baby. I got about 5 tiles on a day, it was exhausting, frustrating, and I did a terrible job. When she was 6 months old I did the rest in a day and looked back at my struggles with a tiny baby and wished my former self had just chilled out, been patient and relaxed more. So I'd ditch anything non essential, question how essential essential things really are, and remember there will be time for it again in future, and if you can, quit as many struggles as you can and don't beat yourself up for not being productive but relax and know that feeding and cuddling Ember is your productive time.
Feeling for you, look after yourself, get help where you can, use savings to take off work pressure. Lots of love Xxxx
no subject
Date: 2019-10-27 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-31 08:51 pm (UTC)