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Sleeping with a baby
Aug. 23rd, 2019 09:25 pmOur baby is six weeks old! The time has passed in a milky haze of sleeplessness and snuggles. It's been wonderful, and in some ways very very hard, and in other ways very easy. The work isn't complicated, it's incredibly straightforward - keep this baby alive, meet their needs, respond to their communications, and try to forestall or resolve crying as swiftly as possible - but it is hard. There's a short list of upsets that can be resolved. Hungry, nappy needs changing, too hot, too cold, want cuddles, not comfortable, wind. So debugging a crying baby is a fairly straightforward process of working your way through the hierarchy of needs. But then there are upsets that can't be resolved: too tired, tummyache, Body is Uncomfortable, Can't Crawl Yet, World is Confusing. Sometimes babies just cry.
Podling is, I think, relatively easygoing. They need to be in contact with a parent or Trusted Other Person 99% of the time, and if that need is met, they are pretty chill most of the time. As long as they're being held or cuddled, they sleep a lot, including at night.
Leo and I are committed to sharing the parenting as much as possible around the fact that I'm the only one that can breastfeed. This has been particularly useful at night, when we both really benefit from the moral (and practical) support.
We're bed sharing, which is the only way Podling can be in physical contact with one of us while they sleep. We've had zero success putting them down in a cot to sleep and are doing gentle parenting, so if they need to be cuddled to sleep, that's what we'll do. They're to young to self regulate and after 9 months being in constant contact with me it's no surprise they don't like being put down. S
Podling lies on their back in the middle of the bed, with a blanket up to their waist if it's cold. We keep the pillows well out of their way and the duvet comes up no higher than their feet. Leo and I wear pyjamas to stay warm if it's chilly. One of us lies next to them with an arm framing a their body and is Sleep Guardian, on responsive parent duty ready to respond to any squirms or cries and make sure they get their nappy changed when they need it, aren't too cold or hot, and don't have anything come near them as a suffocation risk, and picks them up a and soothes them if they need it. The other parent puts ear plugs in and gets some sleep. Sleep Guardian can sleep when Podling sleeps (bar wriggling in their sleep, which sometimes happens) but otherwise fields squeaks and wriggles without disturbing the sleeping parent.
At night Podling sleeps for 1-4 hours at a stretch. Usually it's between 1.5-2.5 hours. When they wake up they usually need a nappy change or potty (we're doing elimination communication and it's working really well), after which they are Hungry. So when Leo's on shift they let me sleep until Podling is ready to feed, then wake me up. Sometimes I get a whole sleep cycle in, sometimes I'm woken up mid cycle and feel groggy and terrible.
Normally we do one or two shifts, then tag the other parent. Sometimes we'll sleep really well on shift, sometimes we won't sleep at all. If we give ourselves a 12 hour sleep opportunity we can normally manage 6-7 hours sleep in total. I haven't slept for more than 4 hours in a row since Podling was one day old, and normally it's in 2 hour chunks. Leo usually catches a few more zzs while I'm feeding, so they tend to one more sleep guardian shift than me to balance it out.
We started out relying heavily on daytime naps to make up the difference, but recently I've stopped feeling like I need them most days. We have a system where if Podling is inconsolably crying, we team it, so that neither of us is left alone trying to soothe a screaming baby, because that will fray your nerves faster than anything else.
It makes such a difference to be working flexibly from home, so that we can take it in turns to catch up on sleep in the mornings and neither of us needs to be up at a certain time, and we can both weather a short night if that's how it goes.
The other night I did two shifts on my own in a row while Leo slept in my room next door, rather than in the bed next to me. Ember slept for 3 hours and then 2 hours, and once I'd done an hour or so of feeding them, changing them and settling them Leo got over 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep before I tagged them. I'm not going to get that for a while unless Leo does a couple of bottle feeds in a row, which doesn't work terribly well at night. But them being better rested means they're in a better position to support me during the day, so what goes around comes around.
Podling is, I think, relatively easygoing. They need to be in contact with a parent or Trusted Other Person 99% of the time, and if that need is met, they are pretty chill most of the time. As long as they're being held or cuddled, they sleep a lot, including at night.
Leo and I are committed to sharing the parenting as much as possible around the fact that I'm the only one that can breastfeed. This has been particularly useful at night, when we both really benefit from the moral (and practical) support.
We're bed sharing, which is the only way Podling can be in physical contact with one of us while they sleep. We've had zero success putting them down in a cot to sleep and are doing gentle parenting, so if they need to be cuddled to sleep, that's what we'll do. They're to young to self regulate and after 9 months being in constant contact with me it's no surprise they don't like being put down. S
Podling lies on their back in the middle of the bed, with a blanket up to their waist if it's cold. We keep the pillows well out of their way and the duvet comes up no higher than their feet. Leo and I wear pyjamas to stay warm if it's chilly. One of us lies next to them with an arm framing a their body and is Sleep Guardian, on responsive parent duty ready to respond to any squirms or cries and make sure they get their nappy changed when they need it, aren't too cold or hot, and don't have anything come near them as a suffocation risk, and picks them up a and soothes them if they need it. The other parent puts ear plugs in and gets some sleep. Sleep Guardian can sleep when Podling sleeps (bar wriggling in their sleep, which sometimes happens) but otherwise fields squeaks and wriggles without disturbing the sleeping parent.
At night Podling sleeps for 1-4 hours at a stretch. Usually it's between 1.5-2.5 hours. When they wake up they usually need a nappy change or potty (we're doing elimination communication and it's working really well), after which they are Hungry. So when Leo's on shift they let me sleep until Podling is ready to feed, then wake me up. Sometimes I get a whole sleep cycle in, sometimes I'm woken up mid cycle and feel groggy and terrible.
Normally we do one or two shifts, then tag the other parent. Sometimes we'll sleep really well on shift, sometimes we won't sleep at all. If we give ourselves a 12 hour sleep opportunity we can normally manage 6-7 hours sleep in total. I haven't slept for more than 4 hours in a row since Podling was one day old, and normally it's in 2 hour chunks. Leo usually catches a few more zzs while I'm feeding, so they tend to one more sleep guardian shift than me to balance it out.
We started out relying heavily on daytime naps to make up the difference, but recently I've stopped feeling like I need them most days. We have a system where if Podling is inconsolably crying, we team it, so that neither of us is left alone trying to soothe a screaming baby, because that will fray your nerves faster than anything else.
It makes such a difference to be working flexibly from home, so that we can take it in turns to catch up on sleep in the mornings and neither of us needs to be up at a certain time, and we can both weather a short night if that's how it goes.
The other night I did two shifts on my own in a row while Leo slept in my room next door, rather than in the bed next to me. Ember slept for 3 hours and then 2 hours, and once I'd done an hour or so of feeding them, changing them and settling them Leo got over 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep before I tagged them. I'm not going to get that for a while unless Leo does a couple of bottle feeds in a row, which doesn't work terribly well at night. But them being better rested means they're in a better position to support me during the day, so what goes around comes around.
